Barstool Sports

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sox go for sweep while trade talks continue

As the Manny Ramirez trade talks continue the Sox are looking to sweep the Twins at Fenway. A wild couple of days including a proposed trade between the Sox, Mets and D-Rays that is apparently dead. The Sox got a big win on Friday after a wild error-filled trip around the bases for Johnny Damon then a John Olerud granny (the 10th for the Sox this season breaking a team record). That coupled with a Yankoffs loss put them at 2.5 up, while the O's continue their major slide and are now in 4th behind the Blue Jays...

Saturday's episode (which followed a wild game for the Yankoffs in which ex-Sox Embree and OC tried to steal one before A-Fraud got the last LAAugh against K-Rod) included a late scratch of Manny before another big hit by would-be starting first baseman Olerud gave the sox the win. After the game Francoma put on his best face to the press regarding Manny, while on the post game show Boomer Wells (who had yet another great start) bashed Manny's work ethic, and Johnny Damon took a few shots at his teammate...

"Mother of mercy, is this the end of Manny?"

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Wade Boggs-Hall of Shame

Wade Boggs, who spent 11 years as the 3rd baseman for the Red Sox before moving on to the Yankoffs and finally the Devil Rays, is officially being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame this weekend. Boggs had numerous highlights in his career, including 5 batting titles between 1983-1988 and his 3,000th hit, but what most still recall is the affair with Margo Adams that was unveiled in 1988 that had him on the cover of Sports Illustrated and her in the pages of Penthouse Magazine...Good times...

Homeward Bound

The Red Sox are on their way home Thursday, jumping in the car and driving up I-95 from Florida back to Fenway Park. The Sox went 4-3 on the road trip to Chicago and Tampa Bay, and currently stand 2 games ahead of the Yankoffs and 4.5 games ahead of the O's and Blue Jays.

Up next, the Twins...

No DolpFUN

Since there's no crying in baseball you would figure there wouldn't be any in football, but in Miami one rookie is proving that theory wrong. Miami Dolphins rookie Manuel Wright broke down in tears during practice Tuesday afternoon after Coach Nick Saban chewed him out. No one is quite sure what Saban said to make the 6-foot-6, 290-pound defensive tackle from USC blubber, but when Wright met with the media all he would say is, "Why did he have to be to me!?" A team official says Saban may have been upset that Wright used up the roll of "gut tape" without putting a new one on the dispenser.

What's your name fat body!?

From now on your name's Gomer Pyle!!

Ted Johnson Retires

FOXBORO, Mass. (AP) New England Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson has informed the team of his decision to retire.

A-Fraud School of Karate In Baseball

Sign up today!

O's No - Baltimore Drops 4.5 Back

Sammy Sosa became #5 on the all time home run list Wednesday night (Experts say Sosa's recent steroid-less efforts should have him contending for the #1 spot on the home run list in about 2035) but it was a 3 run blast from Gary Matthews that made the difference in the 11-8 loss, putting the O's 4.5 back of the first place Red Sox.

King Hippo look-a-like Miguel Tejada left 11 men on base, including the bases loaded 3 times. In fairness, he did hit a 3-run home run in the 1st inning, nice job!

More amazing than Sosa's record breaking dinger was the karate kick slide he displayed for Rangers catcher Rod Barajas in the bottom of the 10th (not pictured). Sosa, a graduate of the A-Fraud School of Karate in Baseball, looked more like Ty Cobb as he came in cleats high.

"Do you like my new trunks? They are size XXX Large! Ha Ha Ha!" "I feel like eating. After I win, lets go to lunch! Ha Ha Ha!" "I have my weakness. But I won't tell you! Ha Ha Ha!" "Ha Ha Ha! I'm the king! Ha Ha Ha!"

Manny May Be Traded

Breaking News: During an interview Thursday morning on WEEI's Dennis and Callahan, Red Sox President and CEO Larry Lucchino said the Red Sox would be entertaining offers to trade Manny Ramirez leading up to the trading deadline. Lucchino (seen above and below not staring at Hazel Mae's chest) confirmed that Manny asked to be traded, citing privacy issues. Lucchino did say a trade was unlikely because of Manny's salary.

During the interview Lucchino said he would not be surprised to see Matt Clement make his next start, despite being hit in the head with a line drive Tuesday night. Clement reportedly rejoined the team in the middle of Wednesday's game and according to a clubhouse insider, "You would never know any thing was wrong with him."

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Manny-less Sox Finish off D-Rays

The Red Sox, minus Manny Ramirez, won the rubber game of the 3 game series in Tampa Bay with a 4-1 win. Again the Sox made it interesting, allowing Tampa Bay to load the bases in the 9th. A tired Curt Schilling came on and loaded them up before getting the final out. It looked like Curt was showing up Manny in the the later innings warming up even though Francoma said earlier that he would not play due to lengthy appearances the last two games.

Three cups of coffee for Curt...Coffee is for closers only...

Sox Seeing Red

The Boston Globe website is reporting that Manny Ramirez has refused to play in today's finally with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Francoma reportedly told Manny over the weekend that he would have Wednesday off but asked him to play today. Manny said he needed the day off. (Manny was clearly tired jogging to 1st during the botched double play last night)...To be honest is anyone really surprised by his latest antics? Manny has had so many of these stupid mid season problems with the team and every year he produces big time numbers. I can't believe people are even waiting on hold on WEEI for 50+ minutes to bitch about it...(When they could call 1510 the Zone and get right on...heh heh)

Sox are reporting that Matt Clement was released from the hospital today. No word on when he is expected to return...

Trot Nixon has been place on the 15 day DL after pulling a muscle while swinging last night. He could be out up to two months.

Sly's Latest Venture

That's right, Sly the magazine...Who in the world pitched him this? Was he hoping to capitalize on the ratings failure that was "The Contender"? What could he possibly write about to fill a quarterly magazine? In issue 2 and 3 he teased Rocky VI...Doesn't that leave him out of material? I didn't know he could count up to 3...I can only assume articles on Cobra 2 and Spy Kids 4 will follow...

Where did he go wrong?


The Boston Bruins released their 2005-06 Schedule Wednesday. As you can imagine fans are ecstatic. Many have been sleeping outside the TD Banknorth Garden for months waiting for tickets and now their prayers have been answered. They will open up the season against hated rival Montreal at home on October 5th.

Finally no more: "I'm a hockey player but I'm playing golf today."

Empire Embed

If you want a good idea of the lunacy of hardcore Yankoff fans, look no further than Darth Marc. It's bad enough going into the giant bedpan known as Yankoff Stadium to see the Red Sox, but this guy actually worships the place. His obsession with Star Wars is a little unhealthy too...And the way the Yankoffs have been playing this year he resembles Lord Helmet more than Darth Vader...

So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Goats for Love

According to Sky News Former President Bill Clinton was given an interesting offer recently, when a love-struck African government official offered him 40 goats and 20 cows in exchange for his daughter, Chelsea.

Clinton was offered the deal on a recent trip to Kenya. Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor had proposed the trade through Kenya's Foreign Minister. The offer is a traditional African gesture to get a father to give his daughter's hand in marriage. The offer was reportedly very generous by the country's standards, and for anyone who has seen Chelsea.

Clinton has not given a public answer to the offer, however, he reportedly told an aide that he doesn't like goats and already has a cow that lives with him, so why would he want 20 more.

Bah, Bah

"I'm sorry I don't think I heard you correctly...He what?"

Hey Batter, Batter, Batter, Swing Batter

You may not like him but you have got to give this Tampa Bay heckler credit. This clown, Clearwater builder and Devil Rays season ticket holder Rob Szasz, is at every home game, and while I would love to be at every Red Sox home game, the Devil Rays stink. They went 188-296 from 2002-2004 and so far they are 36-65 this year, with a 24-27 home record. If my team were that bad I'd scream through the whole game too. Szasz apparently has a book out now which includes a cover where he is dressed up like Johnny Damon.

Another guy who has to be in the Heckler Hall of Fame was Washington Bullets fan Robin Ficker. Ficker had memorable interactions with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley from his seat behind the visitor's bench in the early 90's. Ficker recently ran for U.S. Senate as a Republican out of Maryland.

Indiana Jones 4? Having accomplished so much on a blockbuster scale, Lucas said that after "Revenge of the Sith" and his upcoming fourth "Indiana Jones" installment (which he hopes to start shooting within a year), he'd like to return to indie-style movies like his 1971 debut, "THX 1138," which returns to theaters Friday (September 10) with a new director's cut.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Captain, Caveman as Sox Socked but Survive 10-9

Johnny Damon continues to be the MVP for the Red Sox this season after a leaping game saving catch to send the teams into extra innings for the 2nd strait night, and a home run to lead off the 10th on the 1st pitch he saw. Captain Jason Varitek's solo shot after Manny's K gave the Sox hope in the 9th...If there is such a thing as a big win against Tampa Bay, this was it...

Plenty of second guessing in this one earlier with another muff by Theo's Rent-a-wreck in the 7th allowing Lugo to reach 1st and the run to score from 3rd; Huff's granny after Clement was carried off; Ortiz on the bench when he could have pinch hit in the 6th (Mirabelli) and the 7th (Olerud instead of Ortiz). It's one thing to have Mirabelli bat against Hendrickson since he has had so much success, but for the love of Johnny Pesky, in the 6th there were 2 on and Brazelton was pitching. Now we gotta keep an eye on the injuries that Clement and Nixon suffered. Hopefully Matt can make a quick recovery and be effective since it hit him on the side of the head rather than the eye or face...

Schill again looked shakey in the closers role, after getting the 1st two batters in the 9th he gave up that bomb that captain Caveman was able to bring in, then gave up a couple of hits in the 10th...

Curt knows what it takes to close...

Foreign Back To School Poster

"You wanna be a loser, you be a loser. You wanna be a winner, you be a winner. You can be anything you want. Remember, you're a Melon!"

Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.


ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) Boston Red Sox pitcher Matt Clement was hit in the right side of the head by Carl Crawford's line drive Tuesday night and carried from the field on a stretcher.
Clement remained on the ground and barely moved for about five minutes before he was lifted onto a stretcher and immobilized with a neck brace. Replays showed the force of Crawford's liner knocked the All-Star pitcher completely off his feet.
The ball caromed off the back of Clement's head just behind his ear into short left field for an RBI single. Chad Bradford replaced Clement with Boston leading the Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5-1.

Great George Carlin Quotes

Recent polls reveal that some people have never been polled. Until recently.

Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, and he has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things he will send you to a place full of fire, and smoke, and burn and torture forever and ever 'till the end of time.... but he loves you. And he needs money.

Civilization began it's downhill path the day some guy first uttered the words "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

I finally figured out what e-mail is for. It's for communicating to people you rather not talk to.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

It's not a near miss. IT'S A NEAR HIT!

Yankoffs return home

The biggest similarity is what goes inside both...

Monday Night Theisman

Joe Theisman will be joining Al Michaels on the Monday Night Football broadcast in 2006, replacing funny fat man John Madden who is leaving MNF for Sunday Night Football on NBC. The switch came after NBC purchased the rights to Sunday Night Football and ABC diverted the rights to Monday Night Football to sister station ESPN for the 2006-07 season. One can only hope that means the end of Paul (Ok, now watch this, watch, boom) Maguire on any and all football broadcasts...

"With Boom, Tough Actin-Tinactin!"

"Ok, now watch this, watch, boom!"

More Manny Moaning

According to the Boston Globe Manny Ramirez wants out of Boston. The Globe is citing a soon to be released Sports Illustrated article (8/1) in which author Tom Verducci says Manny is asking to be traded for the 3rd time in 4 seasons with the team. Manny reportedly told Verducci he is unhappy in the limelight off the field in Boston. While spacecase Manny could be serious, even he must realize no one, save the Yankoffs or Mets, would be willing to take on the remainder of his salary. The Red Sox would probably be thrilled to unload Manny's contract, since they have offered him up on wavers the past two years for nothing, they realize any trade talks would have to involve eating a large chunk of Manny's nearly $20-million a year salary. Removing Manny would hurt the line up, but that money could be used to sure up the bullpen and left field (the Red Sox are the only team in Baseball whose worst fielder is in Left). Too bad it will never happen.

Hazel Mae I?

NESN hottie Hazel Mae was on WEEI's Dennis and Callihan Show Tuesday morning where she was basically propositioned by stand-in flash guy Mike Adams...When asked what she was wearing Hazel said her WEEI thong and also told Adams there has not been much "action" recently in the "Mae house". When asked if Adams should come over, Hazel replied, "Hazel Mae I? Yes you may!" She also said her favorite activities included going to a ball game or strip club, which must be a favorite since on her NESN Bio she lists the following: Most Embarrassing Moment on TV: When I called the ''Gold Cup'' soccer tournament the ''Gold Club.''

Uncle Buck

Moments of Zen!