Barstool Sports

Friday, September 30, 2005

Patriots Week 4: Stop LT

The Patriots (2-1) meet the San Diego Chargers (1-2) Sunday at Gillette Stadium. The two teams have an interesting history as original AFL franchises, however, the Patriots have taken a path to greatness the past 10 years, while the Chargers history is like their star running back, hit and miss.

LaDainian Tomlinson (above celebrating a 2002 victory over the Patriots) is one of the best players in the NFL. Tomlinson rushed for 217 yards and scored on runs of 58 and 37 yards in the 2002 meeting as the Chargers defeated the defending Super Bowl XXXVI champions 21-14. The win broke a 10 game winning streak by the Patriots, from 1973-2001. That Chargers team also included Rodney Harrison, who left the following season to join the Patriots and help them win the Super Bowl in 2003 and 2004. This time around, the Patriots will have to put the clamps on LT.

Chargers quarterback Drew Brees (above with Tom Brady at the Pro Bowl) made a surprising trip to the Pro Bowl last season, after the Chargers took Phillip Rivers in the 1st round (after being unable to sign Eli Manning). Brees led the Chargers to a 12-4 season last year, before they lost at home to the Jets in the playoffs.

This is an actual photo of the 1963 AFL Championship ring the Chargers received after defeating the Patriots 55-10.

This is what Championship rings look like now-a-days...

Red Sox, mostly dead, turn to Miracle Max

Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the Yankoffs all those years?

Miracle Max: The stinking owner fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.

Miracle Max: Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad.

Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.

Miracle Max: You are the Brute Squad!

Miracle Max: [Lifts and drops the arm of the Red Sox Nation] I've seen worse.

Miracle Max: You got any money?

Inigo Montoya: Sixty-five.

Miracle Max: I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.

Inigo Montoya: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.

Miracle Max: Are you a rotten liar.

Inigo Montoya: I need him to help avenge my father, who suffered with the Red Sox for dozens of years.

Miracle Max: Your first story was better. He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change. Hello, hey what's so important you living huh!?

Red Sox Nation: D-ivision...Ch-ampions...

Inigo Montoya: You heard him, he said Divison Champs!

Miracle Max: Sonny, Division Champs is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is lean and the tomato is ripe [smacks his lips] they're so perky, I love that.

Inigo Montoya: But this is Steinbrenner's biggest enemy- If you heal him, he will stop Steinbrenner' Yankoffs.

Miracle Max: Wait. Wait. I make him better, Steinbrenner suffers?

Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!

Miracle Max: That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.

Inigo Montoya: Please sir, we must hurry.

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da Yankoffs.

Valerie: Think it'll work?

Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. Good-bye.

Friday fwds: Vol. 3

Your Uncle Buck is amazed by some of the stuff he sees, here is this week's batch of crummy forwards...

Through the Years: Mad Magazine

Mad Magazine has been around for over 50 years, about 5 of them funny. Here is a look at the magazine through the years and events that shaped America.

1952: 1st Issue

December 1956: Alfred E. Newman's first issue

April 1959: April Fools Issue

January 1961: Election Issue (button reads "I Like Dick")

October 1961: JFK

December 1963: Sexploitation

October 1963: Trouble with Cuba

June 1967: Racial Issue

April 1968: 60's Drug Scene

September 1969: The Generation Gap

April 1971: Watergate

April 1974: Mad is number 1

January 1976: Jaws

March 1976: America's Bicentennial

October 1977: Rocky

January 1978: Star Wars

June 1979: Animal House

January 1982: E.T.

December 1985: Reagan and Rambo

March 1987: Max Headroom

September 1991: Gulf War

July 1992: Bush pukes in Japan

December 1994: OJ Simpson Trial

September 1997: Bashing President Clinton

May 1998: Titanic

July 2000: Bush-Gore Election

November 2001: September 11th

January 2005: Janet Jackson

Current Issue

Uncle Buck

Moments of Zen!