Barstool Sports

Friday, March 31, 2006


BOSTON (AP) The Rocket is landing back where it first took off. Roger Clemens has agreed in principal to a contract with the Boston Red Sox, the team that he began his career with and won 3 of his 7 Cy Young Awards.
Sources close to the Red Sox and Clemens say the 42-year-old has signed a 1 year deal. The dollar amount has not been announced.
The stunning announcement is expected to send shockwaves through the league as the New York Yankees, Houston Astros and Texas Rangers were all hoping to sign Clemens.

HALLELUJAH! Clemens is coming home! Your Uncle Buck has just learned that The Rocket has signed a 1 year deal to pitch for the Boston Red Sox in presumably his last year of baseball. Terms of the deal have not been released but UB has to believe it is in the neighborhood of 17-20 million. No word on when the presser to announce Clemens arrival will take place (yes UB threw that photo together himself) but it should happen on Monday, making this a wild weekend for Boston sports...

UB will be the 1st to admit, he didn't think there was a prayer in hell of this happening, as Roger has shown zero emotion towards Boston or the Red Sox since GM Dan Duquette showed him the door in 1996. Clemens was drafted by the Red Sox out of Texas and the Rocket went on to win the Cy Young and AL MVP in 1986 en route to the World Series. Twice Clemens struck out 20, once in 1986 vs. Seattle and once in 1996 against Detroit. After leaving the Sox he moved up to Toronto (much closer to Houston) where he won 2 Cy Young awards in 2 years, before working a trade to New York to play for the Yankoffs. While there Clemens won 2 rings and another Cy Young. After dissing the Yankees (riding off in the new Hummer they bought him) Clemens signed with the Houston Astros where he has lead the team to the NLCS and collected a 7th Cy Young.

Can you imagine Clemens and Curt Schilling on the same staff? Or Roger influencing the future pitching stars on the Sox staff? Well keep dreaming....

Sorry UB had to do it....(Yes UB knows it is March 31st...He's taking tomorrow off...)

The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be

Your Uncle Buck's all time favorite professional wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart is being inducted into the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Fame Saturday during a ceremony in Chicago, Illinois. In UB's eyes Bret truly was "The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be" in the squared circle. He was a 7 time WWF/WCW Heavyweight Champion, a 6 time Intercontinental/United States Heavyweight Champion and a 3 time WWF/WCW Tag Team Champion. He also won two King of the Ring tournaments as well as the Royal Rumble. So here is a tribute to Bret with four matches courtesy of

First up, newly crowned WWF Champion Bret Hart takes on Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels in the main event of Survivor Series 1992. This was 5 years before Bret's last WWF match when he was screwed out of the title by Michaels and Vince McMahon (If you don't know about "the Montreal screwjob" then Google it). Despite his many problems with Shawn over the years, the two did put on numerous amazing matches...

Match number 2 is a tag team bout from Bret's early days in The Hart Foundation. Bret and Jim Neidhart (with Jimmy Hart) take on The British Bulldogs: Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid, for the World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship in 1987.

The 3rd match is a rare bout against "Macho Man" Randy Savage in 1988 on Saturday Night Main Event. Although Bret loses, the match shows Bret's amazing ability as a singles wrestler even when he was on the company's number one tag team.

The final match on the countdown is Bret's first WWF World title win over "Nature Boy" Ric Flair in 1992. Though Ric is another wrestler that Bret butts heads with personally, the two technical masters put on a great performance...

The Harlem Globetrotters

Special for our friends over at Worst Weather Ever, since you enjoyed yesterday's amazing shots video in UBW, here are the original tricksters, the Harlem Globetrotters. Video includes wild shots and a record 12 foot dunk...

Anna Benson's got Kris by the baseballs, O's lining up

Self professed sexpot and wife of Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson, Anna Benson filed for divorce Thursday sparking speculation that she will follow through with her threat to sleep with every member of Kris's team, including the grounds crew.

On the same day Sports Illustrated declared her one of the "Baseball People to Watch" in 2006, Benson filed for divorce after finding Kris fooling around with one of her friends. From The New York Daily News: "She's completely crushed; she didn't see this coming," said Anna Benson's spokesman, Jules Feiler. "She had no choice but to take this action."

Anna Benson made headlines during her husband's short career in New York saying that they planned to have sex in every major league ballpark. She also dressed in a reviling "Mrs. Claus" outfit during a charity Christmas event the Mets had organized with a group of children.

The former stripper and mother denied rumors that Kris was traded from the Mets to Baltimore because of her wild behavior. Her behavior did land her on the cover of FHM magazine and a spot as the star of "" which is the topic of her not-very subtle opening on her website.

Anna's most controversial moments with the Mets involved her announcement that she would sleep with every member of the team including the grounds crew if Kris ever cheated on her...

Unfortunately for Mr. Met, Benson told Howard Stern that she would sleep with Kris's Oriole teammates once he was traded.

Kris: "Baby I cheated on you..."

Anna: "You did what?!?!"

Anna: "Ok boys, line up..."

Um, Anna, what's with the brown water?

Oh right, "champagne"....

UBW: Friday edition

After numerous emails regarding the enjoyment of Thursday's "Uncle Buck's World" your Uncle Buck has cooked up a fresh batch of items worth taking a glance at...Enjoy:

- Talladega Nights

- Morgan Freeman the mob boss

- Delaware traffic is sh*tty

- Voltron DVDs on the way

- Nomar getting used to 1st base

- Cell phones cause brain tumors?

- SI Final Four Predictions

- Shoot up Bin Laden’s liquor store

- Star Wars in 30 seconds

- Top 10 Movie Music videos from the 80s

- Rolling Stones 1960s Rice Krispies commercial

- "She swallowed the centipede to get the mouse, I don't know why she swallowed the mouse, perhaps she'll die..." (NASTY)

- Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate do it while driving

- Nippy weather

- Lookout she’s got a chair!

- FSU Cowgirls in Maxim

- Rodney’s family still making money off him

- Great movie taglines (UB votes for "This time it’s personal!" From Jaws The Revenge)

- The Hills have Thighs

- Mahna Mahna

- Philly still hates TO

- Serial killers enjoy Spring Break too

"That's not even a real gun is it Clark?"

Friday fwds: Watch out for that tree!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Aroy--000 000 0-Crap

Rock star Bronson Arroyo, now of the Cincinnati Reds, paid back his old team for trading him, tossing seven shutout innings, allowing only three hits and striking out nine Thursday. The Reds downed the Red Sox, 4-0, in Grapefruit League play.

"Why can't we get players like that?"

Barry bad news, MLB announces investigation

Well it's about freaking time. You know, your Uncle Buck heard the official Barry Bonds reporter, Pedro Gomez, on ESPN this morning saying that MLB was announcing an investigation into steroid use by Barry Bonds and other players because the league holds their records more sacred than any other sport. BULLSH*T. They are opening up this investigation because about a dozen books have been written since roid head Jose Canseco released his book "Juiced" and began naming names. Had it not been for these books the fans would have to endure a celebration of Hank Aaron's home run record (most likely this summer) that would have been painfully phony to anyone but the visually impaired. Bonds breaking more records this summer after all of this just couldn't happen without major controversy eating the sport alive, but don't be fooled that MLB wanted this. If it was up to them the media would keep their mouths shut and the records would continue to fall without any resistance from the league.

Chowdahead reader LT e-mailed me this quote from ESPN Radio today:

Colin Cowherd is on ESPN Radio talking about the night that Bonds finally breaks the HR record. He says that it's going to be like a wedding where EVERYONE in the audience knows that the bride slept with the best man the night before, but the wedding will still go on. It will be awkward for everyone, but the decision is made to go through with the ceremony anyway.

While UB is not a huge Cowherd fan he hit it right on the head with that one...




Former U-S Senate majority leader, and partial owner of the Red Sox, George Mitchell will lead the investigation...UB wishes that meant he would go after the Yankoffs harder than Bonds, maybe reverse the 2003 ALCS when Giambi hit 2 HR in Game 7 while on roids...

Happier times?

Jets bad bets: A brief review of draft screwups

As your Uncle Buck's friend Dan reminded him today the New York Jets have an awful draft history that includes some of the worst blunders in NFL history. Here is an ESPN piece on just that subject, with the draft only a month away.

"With the number 4 pick in the 2006 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select Ozmodiar, Bedrock A&M..."


Uncle Buck

Moments of Zen!