Great George Carlin Quotes

Recent polls reveal that some people have never been polled. Until recently.

Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, and he has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things he will send you to a place full of fire, and smoke, and burn and torture forever and ever 'till the end of time.... but he loves you. And he needs money.

Civilization began it's downhill path the day some guy first uttered the words "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

I finally figured out what e-mail is for. It's for communicating to people you rather not talk to.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

It's not a near miss. IT'S A NEAR HIT!