Barstool Sports

Monday, July 31, 2006

Red Sox stay in park

Julio Lugo, Kip Wells, Andruw Jones, Alfonso Soriano, Roger Clemens, Jason Schmidt, Mark Buehrle, Jon Lieber and Mark Redman were all mentioned as potential new members of the Boston Red Sox before today's 4pm trading deadline came and went with Mark Loretta, Coco Crisp, Trot Nixon, Wily Mo Pena, Julian Tavarez, Mike Lowell, Jon Lester and Craig Hansen all being mentioned as potential former-Sox. Predictably the Sox decided to go with they players they got, as they were the ONLY team in playoff contention not to make a move (not counting hard throwing righty reliever Bryan Corey they picked up from Texas)...

Meanwhile, in the world's largest bedpan, aka Yankoff Stadium, Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle were sent over from Philadelphia to fill holes in the line up and pitching staff (they also added another 1B/OF today for some reason, trading pitcher Shawn Chacon). The Abreu move is the equivalent of getting Gary Sheffield back (who is now on the outside looking in) and while Lidle has 8 wins in the NL, a 4.74 ERA this season is only going to go up in the high powered AL...

One thing UB is tired of hearing is that David Wells is the Red Sox big acquisition today. While Boomber is starting tonight, there is no way of knowing how long he can stay healthy and they still don't have a solid # 5 starter, although...

A big time return from Boomer would once again make this The Love Boat...

"So Larry...WTF?"

File under Mike Felger's "Shockers" department: Trot Nixon injured himself again and was placed on the 15 day disabled list. The biggest problem with this was that it didn't happen before he allowed a single/double to turn into a triple/inside the park homer last night against LA...It's been well documented that Trot has been on UB's sh*t list and that UB can't wait til the Sox don't resign him in the off season. As for this injury it should be a good thing as Wily Mo Pena will get more at bats. UB is high on Wily Mo and he may add the power to the line up that the Sox were missing in Nixon...

"I, think Nixon sucks..."

"Mr. Nixon has always been injured..."

Friday, July 28, 2006

SI: Fortune 500 athletes

Sports Illustrated has released the list of the highest paid athletes on Brady and Manny Ramirez are both in the top 20, while Paul Pierce and Curt Schilling are both in the 40s...The entire roster of the Bruins rounds out the end of the list as the lowest paid athletes...

Patriots training camp starts

All NFL camps start today, but obviously all UB cares about is the Pats camp opening in Foxboro...UB can't wait to get a look at running back Laurence Maroney, the Patriots 1st round draft pick taken 21st over all. Some say he was the best RB available in the draft:

Don't expect Deion Branch to be at camp any time soon, he's already a no-show today and until he fires his agent or the Pats decide to pony up the dough, expect the former Super Bowl MVP to be absent. On the plus side that should mean more reps for Patriots second-round pick Chad Jackson, who like Maroney has been called the best available at his position in the draft.

Of course there will be one major subtraction from camp this season...

Friday fwds: Pam 2.0

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Simpsons Movie clips

That does it...UB is going to Comic Con next year...Damn it!

While these clips look okay, UB can't imagine this movie is gonna be any good if the writers/producers are the same ones that have put out the last 4-5 crappy seasons on TV...

More Superman II deleted scenes

Things are great these days if you're a fan of Superman. First is the return of the Man of Steel to the big screen in Superman Returns (***1/2) and now there is word that the Richard Donner re-cut Superman II will be released in November as will a box set including special editions of Superman: The Movie, Superman II (the theatrical release, not the Donner re-cut), Superman III, and Superman 4: Attack of the Clones. Here is a bunch of scenes on YouTube from the Superman international/TV edition that are left out of the original film and here is a sneak peak at the Richard Donner re-cut via Access Hollywood:

Superman ponders sneaking off..."'Oh, did I wake you? Well I have to go save Jimmy Olsen', no she'll never believe that...'I have a squash game with this guy from work in an hour...'"


"Your foot was over line on that last serve!!!"

Big Boobed Idiot # 2

Like #1, the #2 big boobed idiot on the list is from England...Katie Price, aka Jordan, recently made these comments: (Courtesy D-Listed)

"I'm having Botox under my arms this week. It's not because I've got body odor problem but sometimes you might get a wet patch there and this is supposed to prevent it."

More of Jordan here...(NSFW)

Thursday lists

Top 10 Worst Metal Album covers

50 Greatest movie rivals

Top 50 Sports Blowups

A's you were

The Red Sox lost the finale of their 6 game West Coast road trip yesterday, 5-1 in Oakland. The Sox now return home for some much needed home cooking and need to take advantage if they want to get ahead of the Yankoffs before their next West Coast trip...

(Above: Someone forgot to tell Frank Thomas he's washed up...A 3 run homer and solo shot sunk the Sox) The Sox have Thursday off and then host the Los Angeles Angels over the weekend. The Cleveland Indians then cruise into town for 4 games. The Sox need to take 5 of those 7 games minimum. After that road trip they go to Tampa where have struggled all year then they hit Kansas Sorry for 3 more...They need to take 2 of 3 from Tampa and really should sweep Kansas Sorry.

That puts us at August 11th when the Sox host Baltimore, Detroit, and the Yankoffs for three each. The Sox then round out the end of the month with another West Coast swing, taking on Los Angeles, Seattle and then Oakland.

Between now and then the Red Sox expect to get back David Wells (pitching this week), Keith Foulke (rehab starts this week), Tim Wakefield and (ugh) Matt Clement. If the replacements can keep the rotation together and the bats can get hot the Sox could be looking at their 1st Division title since 1995.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Dane Cook is confusing

If UB ever goes to Hollywoodland he has to hire comedian Dane Cook's agent. UB has heard a few of this guy's jokes, but none have really been funnier than a quip your buddy might make about a commercial during a football game. For months before UB even heard some of his material he started to see Dane Cook merchandise everywhere. CD's, Saturday Night Live host (like that's tough any more), Tonight Show appearances, an HBO special...For what? "Let's talk a little bit about L-O-V-E. LOVE. Or, as Celine Dion calls it, lurve." Shouldn't we expect more from our comedians now-a-days? Even worse now there is word that he is stealing jokes.

Who does UB contact so that he too can kiss that Oscar winning hiney?

Listening to Dane Cook's jokes reminds UB of that Simpsons episode where Bart gets famous for saying, "I didn't do it!"

Bart struts out and says, "I didn't do it." One woman chuckles, and a man clears his throat. Bart repeats himself, but only the crickets chirp. He looks over at Krusty, but he's no help: he simply shrugs. Bart tries another line: "Woozle Wuzzle?" Everyone repeats it to themselves, and a man asks, "That's what passes for entertainment these days? Woozle Wuzzle?" Everyone gets up to leave, and an announcer says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Klown Show has been put on hiatus for retooling."

6 + 8 = 13: Sox mash A's, Schilling wins 13th

The Red Sox held a nice 6-1 lead in the 5th inning of last night's game in Oakland before Curt Schilling gave up 3 runs, cutting the lead to 6-4. Two innings later the A's scored again, this time against Manny Delcarmen who gave up 3 strait singles before getting a single out. It was 6-5 and your Uncle Buck was getting ready to drive his car off the road and into a tree over the prospect of blowing a 5 run lead and dropping another game to the Yankoffs. From there Delcarmen got a fly out to left then struck out Frank Thomas and Nick Swisher to end the inning. From there the Red Sox bats went crazy, scoring 6 runs in the top of the 8th to give Schilling his MLB leading 13th win of the year, 13-5.

For the 2nd strait night, and the 2nd strait win, Sox starting pitching was as good as advertised. Schilling went 6 innings, allowing 4 earned runs and only walking 1, while throwing 105 pitches. Delcarmen was able to shake off the tough start to the 7th and mop-up men Julian Tavarez and Rudy Seanez came in for the 8th and 9th. (Didn't UB just read that there was a Tavarez or Seanez for Ray King deal on the table...How come the Sox haven't pulled the trigger on this?)

The biggest key to victory last night was the 6 RBI (3 each) from Jason Varitek and Trot Nixon. If these two had games like last night on a more regular basis the Sox would be up 10 games. Tek and Nixon normally bat somewhere between the 5 and 7 holes (provided a lefty isn't on the mound, then Trot is on the bench) and tend to get mired in long slumps and fail to come thru in regular RBI situations.

Manny had another big night with two hits including a home run and 3 RBI...Someone on the radio mentioned that Manny is getting closer to milestone homer marks like 475 and should hit 500 next year...UB just hopes he's wearing a Sox jersey when it happens. The Sox management has been trying to dump his $20-million a year salary since they bought the team and UB doesn't see any reason why they wouldn't try again this off season...With only 2 years left on the 8 year deal (Sox have options for 2009 and 2010) another club may be more willing to take on Manny this winter...

"Your honor I strenuously object to that call..."

"I strenuously object?" Is that how it's done? Hm?..."Oh! You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider.

Getting over the




Uncle Buck

Moments of Zen!