Barstool Sports

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Yippie-kay-ya: Die Hard 4 on the way

A 4th installment of Die Hard is on the way, and thankfully it is not a prequel or with a different actor, instead it is Bruce Willis kicking ass:

The trade says the fourth installment of the franchise finds hero John McClane coming out of retirement to battle an Internet terrorist organization. Bruce Willis will reprise his role as the fearless cop.

"Oh, he'll come for you...and when he does...BLAM!!"

Iron Man movie on the way

Director Jon Favreau had a few comments on the up coming Iron Man movie:

"We're gonna have it take place in the present day, but there will be an origin story that has the old, gray Iron Man suit; eventually it will progress into more of the modern look," Favreau said. "That's the fun of doing the first one."

"The alcoholism doesn't come into play until later on in the story of Iron Man," he said. "[The comic] started off in the '60s, where it was about him as a successful manufacturer who developed this suit. Then, later, it spins off into that story about him fighting against himself. I think we're going to lay the groundwork for it, but the first one's going to explore him taking on this alter ego of Iron Man, and developing the suit, and what happens politically within the Stark Corporation."

Klingon blade

A house raid in England restuled in the discovery of a weapon not of this world:

The terrifying Batleth weapon is identical to one wielded by Klingon aliens in the Star Trek sci-fi films.
Officers seized the three-handled sword — which has huge pointed blades at either end — at a home in Gloucester.

NJ Governor admits to rest stop gayness

New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey shockingly admitted in his new book that he engaged in anonymous gay sex at rest stops on state highways before he became governor:

"With each new encounter, I was getting nearer and nearer to being caught - which surely would have generated headlines, especially after I became executive director of the state parole board" in the mid-1980s. "The closet starves a man, and when he gets a chance he gorges till it sickens him," he writes in his book, titled "The Confession."

No word if he ran into these guys:

"Seven minute abs!"

Katie Couric is unemployed...Kinda

Red Sox chairman Tom Warner's on and off girlfriend Katie Couric is now done with The Today Show and will soon join The CBS Evening News. Your Uncle Buck caught the last 15 minutes of a 3 hour love-in that was her final episode this morning. UB noticed they didn't show too many of these clips:

Cuter days...

Rocket lands...In Houston

HOUSTON (AP) Roger Clemens is coming out of retirement for the third time, agreeing to a $22 million contract to pitch for the Houston Astros for the rest of 2006.
The 43-year-old Clemens, who will be entering his 23rd major league season, is agreeing first to a minor league contract that pays $322,000 over the five-month minor league season, and his first start is likely to be at Lexington, Ky., the Class A team where his oldest son, Koby, plays.
If all goes well, his second minor-league start would be June 11 at Double-A Corpus Christi, Texas, followed by a start June 16 at Triple-A Round Rock, Texas.
Clemens announced his return Wednesday at a news conference.
``The ball's in my court now,'' he said. ``This was a difficult decision on my part in a number of situations. I have to now take the next step and get my body ready to come back, get effective, win games.''
When he is added to the major league roster, he gets a one-year contract worth $22,000,022 his uniform number is 22. Because he won't be playing the full season, he gets only a prorated percentage of that, which would come to about $12.25 million if he rejoins Houston in late June. The tentative goal is to have him start against the Minnesota Twins on June 22 if he's put on the big league roster on that day, he would earn $12,632,307.
The Astros were 27-26 and 6@1/2 games behind the NL Central-leading Cardinals after Tuesday night's 6-3 victory over St. Louis.
Clemens pitched for the Astros last season and helped them reach the World Series for the first time. Houston, the New York Yankees, Boston and Texas all tried to lure Clemens to pitch this season.
Clemens last pitched competitively in the World Baseball Classic, where he beat South Africa for the United States in the first round and lost to Mexico 2-1 in the second on March 16.
In Detroit, New York Yankees manager Joe Torre said Tuesday that it made sense for Clemens to return to Houston.
``I'm not at all surprised,'' he said. ``I didn't think that him coming back here was ever going to happen. Houston's just such a perfect fit for him he lives there and Andy's on the team. That's why he came back before, and the circumstances haven't changed.''
Texas owner Tom Hicks was told last week by the Hendricks brothers that the Rangers were out of consideration, GM Jon Daniels said.
``Tom got the call on Friday that we were no longer in the running for his services,'' Daniels said Tuesday. ``The way we looked at it was, it would be an honor to be associated with him but we've continued to focus on the 25 guys here. It would have been nice, but we weren't planning on it from the get-go.''
Clemens retired after the 2003 season, then changed his mind and joined his hometown Astros after former Yankees teammate Andy Pettitte left New York to sign with Houston.
Clemens won his seventh Cy Young Award in 2004, going 18-4 with a 2.98 ERA. He went 13-8 with a 1.87 ERA last year, winning the major league ERA title for the first time since 1990.
Clemens has a career record of 341-172 with a 3.12 ERA and 4,502 strikeouts, pitching for the Boston Red Sox, Toronto Blue Jays, Yankees and Astros. An 11-time All-Star and winner of the 1986 AL MVP Award, he is tied for eighth on the career wins list and is second in strikeouts behind Nolan Ryan (5,714).
AP Baseball Writers Ronald Blum and Ben Walker, AP Sports Writer R.B. Fallstrom in St. Louis and AP freelance writers Dave Hogg in Detroit and Ken Sins in Arlington, Texas, contributed to this report.

"I wish to congratulate you on your new business, and I know you'll do very well; and good luck to you -- as best as your interests don't conflict with my interests. Thank you."

"He signed with the Planet Houston?"

"I'm very happy for Roger and his family. Now if you'll excuse me I have a very important meeting..."

"More days in 1st place...more days in 1st place...more days in 1st place...more days in 1st place..."

60 Greatest NBA Playoff moments has compiled a list of the 60 greatest NBA Playoff moments. The panel that came up with the list includes: Marv Albert, Rick Barry, Clyde Drexler, George Gervin, Bob Lanier, Jack McCallum, Brent Musburger, Scottie Pippen, Jack Ramsay, Bill Russell, Bill Simmons, Dick Stockton, Peter Vecsey, and Bill Walton.

Yes it does include this play:

Blue Jay days

Rather than review every pitch or big play from last night's 8-5 loss in Toronto, since your Uncle Buck was playing softball until the 6th, UB is just going to comment on one thing. As good as the Red Sox line up has the potential to be, they can't keep coming back from deficits of 5+ runs.

The Red Sox are now 3-7 against Toronto on the year, and 1-4 north of the boarder. Josh Beckett's 7 earned runs are concerning, not so much that he's not allowed to throw up a stinker every now and again, rather because it should have been pretty clear that with a loss yesterday and a AA pitcher throwing for the Sox Wednesday night the Sox needed a big game from Beckett. They didn't get it.

Maybe it's time for a roids test for Vernon Wells. 3 for 4 with 3 home runs last night...

22-year-old righty David Pauley is joining the Sox tonight from AA Portland. What should you expect from Pauley? Here is the scouting report from Sox

Scouting Report: Pauley mixes an excellent sinker with a low 90s fastball with good movement, an good changeup, and a top-notch curveball. Has 4th or 5th starter potential. Has been very consistent in recent seasons, with some flashes of brilliance. Struggled in MLB Spring Training in 2006. Needs to improve his control somewhat.

The Red Sox acquired Pauley from San Diego in 2005 along with Jay Payton (where is he now) Ramon Vasquez and cash for Dave Roberts.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It pays to be a douche bag

Barry Bonds now has 715 home runs and a douche bag who was at the game has a ball worth thousands of dollars that he doesn't deserve. Sure he caught the ball, and should be able to sell it for whatever he wants or keep it under his pillow, that would be fine. However, your Uncle Buck got a little annoyed when he learned about the clown, Andrew Morbitzer, who caught this thing. Here is UB's evidence that proves he should have the ball taken away and be banned from any ballpark in America:

1. He caught the ball while in the beer line: What is this idiot doing getting a beer while sitting in the bleachers since A.) Bonds could hit a home run there and B.) any real fan was parked in their seat watching the potential history making moment.

2. He only recently relocated from Colorado: So he just decided to take in a game and take a ticket away from a potential real Giants fan, eh.

3. He told reporters he's a professed Giants and Bonds fan: Then what the hell is he doing out of his seat when Bonds is at the plate?

4. "Morbitzer said he went to get a few more beers because he couldn't see who would be up next in the bleachers": Couldn't see who would be up next!?!?!? Was he watching the game? How about asking anyone around you or buying a program or looking up on the scoreboard, or god forbid realizing that your "favorite" player hasn't batted in a while...

5. "His wife said she wondered what was taking him so long (in the beer line)": Taking him so long in the beer line? So he heard the crowd roar, the announcer say Bonds was coming up and stayed in the beer line!? His wife, who attended the game with him, told the media her husband was in line so long because he was waiting for his peanuts...(UB begins beating his head against the wall at this point.)

6. He was wearing a "715" shirt when he caught the ball: UB is not surprised by this one at all. Only dorks by those things, from the rip off park vendors, then go and get a beer when Bonds comes to the plate...

BREAKING NEWS: Beer is good for you!

A new British study shows that drinking beer every day is good for you. Maybe that's why they opened this crazy new beer spa:

A study of 50,000 people found that men who drank daily had a 41% reduced risk of coronary heart disease compared with a 7% drop in men who drank once a week.

In women, the risk of heart disease fell by a third with a weekly drink but did not fall further in daily drinkers.

CBS settles with Howard Stern

Now that they settled, hopefully Howard will become part of the DVD revolution and put out some collectors sets:

In the settlement, Sirius agreed to pay CBS $2 million. In exchange, Stern gets control of the master tapes of the past 20 years of his shows on CBS, meaning the company cannot broadcast archived Stern shows without paying him.

Your thoughts Carmen?

Batwoman is a lesbian

It is not uncommon for changes to take place in the world of comic books, with little notice from the non-reading public. Spider-Man gets a new costume. The Hulk turns gray. Batman gets his back broken, gives up his job, then wins it back. It's no big thing. But a recent storyline change got the attention of the New York Times:

The New York Times reports, diversity in the $500 million comic book business includes some new heroes with familiar names.

There's a new Batwoman, who now will be a lesbian socialite by night and a crime fighter later at night. And Blue Beetle, who's been changed into a Mexican teenager with a magical scarab.

Over at Marvel Comics, Black Panther, king of the fictional African nation of Wakanda, will marry Storm, the weather-controlling mutant and X-Man. Luke Cage, a black street fighter who married his white girlfriend in April, plays a key role in "New Avengers."

"Lets take the Bat-Cycle!"

Bravo, Bronson. Bravo

If is wasn't bad enough that David Wells is out and Matt Clement is out to lunch, Bronson Arroyo is proving (yet again) that the Red Sox are idiots. Not only is Bronson on pace to start the All Star game for the NL, but his commercials beat the crap out of those dumb Dunkin Donuts spots by Curt Schilling or the Bernie and Phil's ad by Tim Wakefield: (Ernie Bach Jr. is kicking himself for not doing this first)

Cheers Cast Drunk

Your Uncle Buck was sifting thru some old tapes the other day and came across this video of the cast of Cheers on The Tonight Show following their final episode. They had been celebrating in the Bull & Finch Pub (which was the inspiration for Cheers), but had a few too many drinks, as you can see in this interview segment:

Alternative Movie Posters

Here are some alternative movie posters that may be different from the ones you are used to seeing at the theatre, video store or on DVD covers...Enjoy:

Monday, May 29, 2006


After the Red Sox lost tonight, with another useless outing from Matt Clement, your Uncle Buck could only think of one thing...Hit it Huckleberry:

In a stadium, or a ball park,
With the ga-a-a-me on the line,
Dwelt a pitcher, can't go niner,
Every 5th day, Clement-Time

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clement-Time,
The game is lost and gone forever,
Turn the channel, Clement-Time

Back in 05, had a great start,
Then took a shot to the head,
From there his game fell apart,
Every 5th day, Clement-Time

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clement-Time,
The game is lost and gone forever,
Turn the channel, Clement-Time

He ducks after ev-ery swing,
Never makes the finish line,
Better call down to the bullpen,
Every 5th day, Clement-Time

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clement-Time,
The game is lost and gone forever,
Turn the channel, Clement-Time

Sox take lumps but sweep Rays

After coming off a disappointing series loss to the Yankoffs, the Red Sox got a dose of Tampa Bay Devil Rays which, as usual, cured many of their ills, but also created some new ones too. On Thursday the Sox used another strong outing by Josh Beckett to pull off the 4-1 win. Friday was a little more of an adventure with a major blow potentially coming to the Sox after David Wells was hit by a line drive on his healed right knee. The Sox were able to hold it together and got an 8-4 win:

Boomer threw 15-20 pitches during practice in Toronto Monday, but was in so much pain he had to stop.

The Sox announced he will miss his Wednesday start, and have not yet named a replacement pitcher to take on Sox-killer Ted Lilly.

On Saturday the Sox fans showed their class by sticking around after the game to acknowledge Curt Schilling's career 200th win. It still amazes your Uncle Buck that it took Schilling this long to get #200, but looking back he played on some poor teams and battled some injuries that really screwed up several seasons. Does he belong in the hall of fame? At this point most baseball writers are saying no, but if he is able to match his production from the 2004 season this year and next, he may get in. Another ring wouldn't hurt his chances either...

When Sunday rolled around, UB was happy to have taken the 3 wins and figured a 4th would be icing on the cake, so he did a little picture in picture action to watch the Indy 500 and the talented Danica Patrick. Amazingly Tim Wakefield (4-6) has his best outing of the year, allowing zero runs on five hits in eight innings. From there Terry FranCOMA turned it over to the Papelbon, Timlin and Foulkeless bullpen:

Rudy Seanez walked three, but was able to get 2 outs. Julian Tavarez came in an appeared to have the game won with a strike out, but Doug Miribelli let the ball get by him. From there, with the score 5-1, Tavarez walked in two more runs to make it 5-3. Now UB can appreciate resting Foulke and Paps to prevent an early season burnout, but what sence does it make to announce the plan to the media before the games begins. If Tampa had a smart manager they would have taken their time with Wake and tried to get to the pen early. Also with Coco Crisp returning to the lineup for the first time since the 1st week of the season, FranCOMA still opted to give Manny the day off.

Coco's return helps, but it may be awhile before he gets his act together. With the pen a mess and two holes in the rotation, the Sox could use a few more doses of the Devil Rays...Instead the have to take a shot of the Blue Jays who own the Sox this year...

Uncle Buck

Moments of Zen!