Red Sox, mostly dead, turn to Miracle Max
Miracle Max: The stinking owner fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.
Miracle Max: Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: You are the Brute Squad!
Miracle Max: [Lifts and drops the arm of the Red Sox Nation] I've seen worse.
Miracle Max: You got any money?
Inigo Montoya: Sixty-five.
Miracle Max: I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo Montoya: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
Miracle Max: Are you a rotten liar.
Inigo Montoya: I need him to help avenge my father, who suffered with the Red Sox for dozens of years.
Miracle Max: Your first story was better. He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.
Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change. Hello, hey what's so important you living huh!?
Red Sox Nation: D-ivision...Ch-ampions...
Inigo Montoya: You heard him, he said Divison Champs!
Miracle Max: Sonny, Division Champs is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is lean and the tomato is ripe [smacks his lips] they're so perky, I love that.
Inigo Montoya: But this is Steinbrenner's biggest enemy- If you heal him, he will stop Steinbrenner' Yankoffs.
Miracle Max: Wait. Wait. I make him better, Steinbrenner suffers?
Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!
Miracle Max: That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.
Inigo Montoya: Please sir, we must hurry.
Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da Yankoffs.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. Good-bye.