Barstool Sports

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

President's Day: Best and Worst of the fictional Presidents

Yes your Uncle Buck is aware that President's Day was yesterday, but UB was stuck in upstate New York during a blackout over the weekend and had to spend Monday catching up on the ol' TiVo...So here is UB's list of the best and worst fictional Presidents on television and the silver screen.

The Worst:

10. President Greg Stillson: Martin Sheen in The Dead Zone

Forget playing President Josiah Bartlet in The West Wing, as President Greg Stillson in The Dead Zone, he is destined to start a nuclear Armageddon, and would have gotten away for it too if not for psychic Johnny Smith (Christopher Walken), a young New England schoolteacher.

9. President Merkin Muffley: Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove

While he doesn't permit fighting in the "War Room" he wimps out by tellingng the Russians about mistaken plans to bomb Moscow by saying: "Well now, what happened is... ah... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of... well, he went a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... he went and did a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri... Let me finish, Dmitri... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?..."

8. President James Dale: Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks!

While he will be remembered as the President that makes contact with aliens, President Dale was killed by them shortly after contact.

7. The U.S. President: Billy Bob Thornton in Love Actually

Not only does he fail to seal the deal with the Prime Minister's receptionist, but then he gets burned by him at the press conference.

6. President Lex Luther: Lex Luther in Superman Comics

Gets elected as part of the Tomorrow Party then is impeached for using a supersteriod, stealing a battle suit and trying to kill Superman and Batman.

5. President Mackenzie Allen: Geena Davis in Commander-in-Chief

A female president...yeah right.

4. President Kang: Kang in The Simpsons

Kang and Kodos run for President after killing off President Clinton and Bob Dole. When Kang wins he enslaves the human race. Homer's reaction: "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."

3. The President: Alan Alda in Canadian Bacon

Invades Canada to raise his popularity. Screws it up, surrenders to Canadian Prime Minister Clark MacDonald.

2. The President: E.G. Marshall in Superman II

Hands over the United States to General Zod (who uses his power to sit around the White House). Stupid hidden President trick fails to fool Zod. Also a weak attempt to call for Superman during a presser forces Zod to crush the podium.

1. President Charles Logan: Gregory Itzin in 24

Becomes President after President Keeler's plane is shot down. So incompetent that has to have David Palmer run things from behind the scenes, then takes all the glory. Later allows his nut job wife to help with Presidential decisions.

The Best:

10. President Dave Chappelle: Dave Chappelle in The Dave Chappelle Show

Chappelle reveals that America has the cure for AIDS, has mastered cloning, and has made contact with aliens, who then take him to safety on their spaceship.




9. President Glen Allen Walken: John Goodman in The West Wing

Takes office for 3 days after President Bartlet steps down. Gets extra points for being only former King of England to take office...

8. President FXJKHR: FXJKHR in Futurama

Was 60th President (not sure if it is of the U.S. or Earth). Although details of Presidency are unknown, A Monument depicts him sitting atop a throne of skulls. That's gotta count for something...

7. President Jack Stanton: John Travolta in Primary Colors

Stanton is a Democratic governor of a southern state. He appears to be a charming and philandering politician, while at the same time he eats junk food and cheats on his wife. Imagine if this guy was a real President...






6. President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Lloyd Bridges: Hot Shots! Part Deux

[He is about ready to battle Saddam Hussein] "We'll settle this the old navy way; The first guy to die, LOSES!"

5. President Clark Kent: Clark Kent in Superman Comics

Pete Ross is running for President with Clark Kent as his campaign manager. When an assassination attempt results in Ross being injured and Kent's secret identity being revealed, Ross insists Superman take his place as the Democratic nominee. President Kent is responsible for a series of satellites broadcasting solar power to Earth. He also worked towards multilateral disarmament, and the coalition of all superhero teams into the World Peace League.
This future was observed by travelertraveller Waverider, but negated soon afterwards. Kinda hard to attack the U.S. if Superman were

4. President David Palmer: Dennis Haysbert in 24

Foils evil plots (including several by his wife) and an assassination attempt. Runs the country from behind the scenes during President Charles Logan's first days in office. Should be noted he is the 1st black president behind Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact. He also caused UB to yell "Holly crap! Cerrano is the President!"

The President relaxes with his Secretary of Defense Jobu...

3. Dave Kovic/Bill Mitchell: Kevin Kline in Dave

Presidential impersonater Dave Kovic gets called in to act as the real President after President Bill Mitchell has a stroke during sex with his secretary. With a chance to make some change in Washington, Dave calls in his buddy Murray Blum and they re-do the budget over bratwurst.

2. President James Whitmore: Bill Pullman in Independence Day

After the planet is attacked by alien invaders, the President gives a kick ass speach to armies across the globe and they kick a little alien ass. The Prez also flys his own plane to help in the fight!

1. President James Marshall: Harrison Ford in Air Force One

Four words: "GET OFF MY PLANE!"


At 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Only not... In a vote... Jobu would beat Ceranno hands down.

At 10:56 PM, Blogger Luke said...

I dunno....Whitmore flew his own plane and shot his own missles, I think he shoulda been #1....but who can argue with Han Solo as president...tough call......

At 11:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

David Palmer should be Number One, but he couldn't hit a curveball and practiced voodoo, so, #3 is ok.

At 11:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What Harrison Ford might have said, had he not been listed as #1 -> "GET OFF MY LIST!"

At 11:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas in The American President) - he should have definately made the top 10....

At 12:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leslie Nielsen in Scary Movie 3. Brilliant.

At 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pullman is #1 in my mind...that speech gets a fist pump every time.

At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

#1, Chappelle was "Black Bush" in that sketch, not himself.

#2, No Presidents Russell Kramer or Matt Douglas? My Fellow Americans was a great movie.

At 6:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually in the picture Chappelle is playing "Black Bush" but in that sketch, AIDS, aliens etc, he was the black president from Deep Impact getting blamed for the coming meteor.

At 7:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you fags crazy? Pullman is a totally queer, he cant act for shit in this movie, that speech was so CORNY, that movie sucked. grow up you fags.

At 8:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact? I know he didn't do much, but the fact that he's Morgan Freeman should mean something!!!

At 9:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm finding myself more than slightly aroused by that Hillary picture...

At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I HATE the president from Independence Day. I hate him so much. He is so awful. I don't know how you guys can like him. His speech at the end is sickening.

At 1:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, as I was reading that I thought, if the number one is anyone other than Harrison Ford in Airforce One, there is no justice in the world.

At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeff Bridges in The Contender was the best movie president ever. He was ruthless, brilliant, conniving, funny, charming and always one step ahead of the opposition. Exactly what we need as our leader.

At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on...

Han Solo as #1, and Lone Star (he's a prince, you know) as #2. Dark Helmet is his father's, brother's, nephew's, cousin's former roommate, so its unwise to talk shit about him.

At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

chappelle's black bush should have been number one.

At 7:10 PM, Blogger Melanism said...

How does Michael Douglas' President Andrew Shepherd from "The American President" make the list?

He was screwing Annette Benning and sneaking her out the back door.

Plus he had Alex P. Keaton on stff.

At 7:58 PM, Blogger James Young said...

I would add Morgan Freeman from Deep Impact on the Ten Best list.

And since TV series are fair game, "Sliders" once had an alternate universe where Ollie North was President. Works for me!

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Steve Minor said...

How about Gene Hackman in Absolute Power? Delightfully evil.

Also, Haysbert was in that movie as one of the evil Secret Service guys.

At 2:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't argue with Ford and Haysbert, but got to agree that Bridges was robbed for The Contender. When he smiles at William Peterson and says "You're the future of the Democratic Party, and you always will be." Just doesn't get much better than that.

At 3:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm sorry UB, but you left out Morgan Freeman in "Deep Impact"

...yassah, Miss Daisy, I Be Presidentin'...

At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about President Lindberg from the 5th Element? I nominate Tommy 'Tiny' Lister Jr. for Worst President ever. I mean come on, he was Deebo for Christ's sake.

At 4:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on! President Bartlett from the West Wing doesn't even make the list!?!? If Martin Sheen's character was real person, I would sell my left nut for him to take over for Bush. I'm not kidding.

At 11:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually the first black fictional president was Tiny Lister in 5th Element, NOT Morgan freeman. What's wrong with u ppl?! Black Power!

At 12:25 AM, Blogger Charles said...

Harrison Ford made a great president - check.

The President in "Day After Tommorrow" should have made the 10 worst list, except probably nobody watched it. makes series of stupid mistakes, and gets killed because he doesn't know when to come in out of the cold....

The President in Patriot Games also could be one of the worst if you knock off the cartoon picks. He needed Harrison Ford to tell him how to be a president.

I loved "Dave" and would move him up the list, and although I hate saying this I'd probably try to find a place for "The American President", if only for that speech where, after weeks of listening to his opponent say "and I'm running for President", he says "and I AM the President".

Martin Sheen should be higher on the bad presidents, just because he played so many of them. He was also in American President. He even played Kennedy once.

Another also-ran: Merton Muffley, played by Peter Sellers.

Of course, my favorite Actor president is Ronald Reagan.....


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