Barstool Sports

Monday, February 13, 2006

Olymp-blah, bring in the Really Rottens

Have any of you been watching the Winter Olympics from Toronto? Your Uncle Buck has and he's noticed a few things about the 20th Olympic Winter Games over the weekend, in between shoveling trips in the driveway...

UB knows that the winter games are the little brother of the summer games, but what did the United States do before snowboarding? As of this afternoon the US has 6 medals, 4 gold and 2 silver. 4 of the medals (2 gold and 2 silver) are from snowboarding. Apparently the X-Games were a good idea after all...Norway has 8 medals, but only 1 gold, while Russia also has 6 but only 2 gold...

Now UB is sure you have either made or heard a million "Curling" jokes by now...How is this a sport again? Isn't this just like playing that paper football game in school, except you're using a smushed bowling ball? UB loves the sweeping women though. Gotta get a few of those girls to follow UB around while he's digging into his bag of Wise BBQ Potato Chips...

So far it is the big zero from big mouth Bodie Miller...There is little better than the Olympic villain. If he wins it's "Hey another medal for the US!" If he loses it's "What a choker! Maybe if he wasn't boozing as much on the slopes he could come away with a win." Now granted he lost yesterday's downhill by about 1 second, but after all the press he got if he doesn't come home with at least a gold and a silver he'll be remembered as a choker...

The entertainment in Torino, Italy should pick up later in the week once 21-year-old Sasha Cohen takes center stage. With Michelle Kwan on the shelf, NBC will have to turn to Sasha to save the winter games signature event. UB thinks gold medals and photos like the one above from SI will make Sasha the next big thing. Even if she only walks away with a silver, a skater who bends like a female Stretch Armstrong and has model looks won't have a problem making it in this world...

So maybe it is all the curling and snowboarding but it looks like no one is watching these games. Ratings are half of what they were four years ago and last night's broadcast was beaten by Gray's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. Also the stands look only about 1/4th full...Plus the crappy promotion by NBC for the Olympics has prompted the other networks to throw up new episodes of their hit shows against the Olympics so maybe NBC should consider throwing up the Laff-A-Lympics instead:

Announcers Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf introduce the teams:

First up The Scooby Doobies (Was that the team that Canadian skier who won gold but tested positive for marijuana was on?)

Captain: Scooby-Doo with Shaggy, Scooby-Dum, Blue Falcon, and Dynomutt.

Hong Kong Phooey, Jeannie, Speed Buggy and Tinker.

Captain Caveman, Branda Chance, Dee Dee Sykes and Taffy Dare.

Up next The Yogi Yahooeys:

Captain Yogi Bear, Cindy Bear, Boo Boo, and Grape Ape.

Quick Draw McGraw, Dixie, Pixie and Mr. Jinks.

Snooper, Blabber, Auggie Doggie and Doggie Daddy.

Huckleberry Hound, Yakky Doodle, Hokey Wolf, and Wally Gator.

And finally The Really Rottens:

Captain Mumbly, Dread Baron, The Great Fondoo and Brak.

Daisy Mayhem, Sooey Pig, Mr and Mrs. Creepley (and son) and Orful Octopus.

Dastardly, Dinky and Dirty Dalton.

Let the real games begin:


At 9:34 AM, Blogger Thigh Master said...

someone once said i have the same voice as snagglepuss

obviously they aren't living anymore cause i killed them

At 6:01 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.


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