Barstool Sports

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The joy of Sox: Ortiz, Schilling make for happy opener

Mmmm, the smell was in the air Monday and thanks to a bout of food poisoning, your Uncle Buck was on his couch to watch the Red Sox open the 2006 season on UB's 51-inch HDTV with surround sound. Thanks to the hot bat from David Ortiz (above) who went 3 for 5 with a 2-run home run and 3 RBI, and the pitching of Curt Schilling, who went 7 strong innings and allowed only 5 hits and struck out 5, the Sox cruised to a 7-3 win.

Schilling's velocity was right on at times, even though his control was not always there. He threw an impressive 79 strikes out of 117 pitches, only allowing 2 runs and 1 walk.

Sox fans got to see the man who made all the noise in the off season as Coco Crisp made his 1st regular season start for the Sox, replacing Johnny Damon in Center and at the top of the line up. Coco was only 1 for 5, but did score twice and made two impressive catches one in the 2nd (above) and one at the end of the game (below):

Mmmm...extra Crispy!

A shakey 9th from Keith "Burger King" Foulke had UB concerned and phones lighting up at WEEI all day. Foulke gave up 2 hits and a run and some deep/scary fly balls.

Meanwhile, in Oakland the Yankoffs crushed the A's scoring 15 runs on 17 hits in the 15-2 win. Damon went 3 for 7 with 2 runs and an RBI, but UB just had to chuckle at Double Play-Rod once again going off during a blow out. A-Fraud went 3 for 5 with 5 RBI, including a grand slam. Ol' Purple Lips once again that when the stats are to be padded, he's the man you want bad for Yankoff fans when the game is on the line he turns back into Double Play-Rod...

The double point to the sky in the dugout was a nice touch too...what a douche bag...

Hired gun Roger Clemens was on hand for the Red Sox opener, clearly trying to drive up the price that either the Sox, Yankoffs, Rangers or Astros will pay for his 44-year-old services later this year...

"Yeah I saw UB's April Fools joke, that sh*t wasn't funny..."


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