Barstool Sports

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

UB's Great Halloween Flicks

Are you and your lady having trouble picking a scary movie to watch during this Halloween season, well don't worry, UB is here to show you the way...Forget these crappy remakes like "The Fog" or these dream matchup films like "Freddie Vs. Jason" and "Alien Vs. Predator" and stick with these 7 classic horror flicks (Plot Outlines via THIS POST CONTAINS SCARY AND HORRIFIC PHOTOS...YOU'VE BEEN WARNED...

1. Halloween (1978):

Plot Outline: A psychotic murderer institutionalized since childhood escapes on a mindless rampage while his doctor chases him through the streets.

Dr. Sam Loomis: I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blind, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the DEVIL'S eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up for I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... EVIL!

Sheriff Leigh Brackett: It's Halloween, everyone's entitled to one good scare.

2. Friday the 13th (1980):

Plot Outline: Many years after two summer camp councilors are killed at Camp Crystal Lake, the owner decides to reopen, which sparks a series of grisly murders.

Pamela Voorhees: You see, Jason was my son and today is his birthday...

Alice: The boy... is he dead, too? Tierney: Who? Alice: The boy. Jason. Tierney: Jason? Alice: In the lake, the one... the one who attacked me... the one who pulled me underneath the water. Tierney: Ma'am, we didn't find any boy. Alice: But... then he's still out there.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984):

Plot Outline: In the dreams of his victims, a specteral child murderer stalks the children of the members of the lynch mob that killed him.

Children: One, two, Freddy's coming for you. / Three, four, better lock your door. / Five, six, grab your crucifix. / Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. / Nine, ten, never sleep again.

Fred Krueger: I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy.

Hey It's Johnny Depp! (Yeah UB knows Kevin Bacon was in Friday the 13th and Jamie Lee Curtis was the star of Halloween...)

4. Creepshow (1982):

Plot Outline: Inspired by the E.C. comics of the 1950s, George A.Romero and Stephen King bring five tales of terror to the screen.

Nathan Grantham: I want my cake! Bedelia! Where's my Father's Day cake?

Doctor: This is going to be extremely painful, Mr. Verrill!

Jordy: Oh, Jordy Verrill, you lunkhead!

What? Ted Danson and Leslie Neilson don't scare the crap out of you?

5. Creepshow 2 (1987): This is the only sequel to make the list, and while it is not as good as the original, "The Raft" scared the crap out of me as a kid...

Plot Outline: George Romero and Stephen King return to this sequel to bring three stories that include a vengeful wooden Indian, a monstrous blob in a lake and a hitchhiker who wants revenge... and will not die!

Deke: I feel the need, the need... for WEED!

Randy: I... beat... you. I BEAT YOU!

The Hitchhiker: Thanks for the ride, lady!

6. The Exorcist (1973):

Plot Outline: Landmark of horror films, based on an enormously popular novel: A troubled cleric sees a means of redemption in helping a psychologically damaged teen.

Regan MacNeil: What an excellent day for an exorcism.

Regan MacNeil: Your mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.

7. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974):

Plot Outline: A group of hippies traveling through 1970's Texas fall prey to a trio of murderous brothers and their cannibal grandparents.

Narrator: The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them an idyllic summer afternoon drive became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Hitchhiker: You could have dinner with us...

Jerry: That's the last goddamn hitchhiker I ever pick up.

Sleep tight...


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