Barstool Sports

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Great Cocktail Quotes: Douglas 'Doug' Coughlin Edition

Coughlin's Laws:

"Anything else is always something better."

"The Essential Technique of Bartending: Less is more. The less you pour the more you score. The boss does better, we do better."

"Think of the customer as a hurdler thinks of a hurdle: a means to an end. We dazzle him with ice work, we baffle him with bottle work."

"There are many ways to fool a customer. The short pour. The long pour. The ice mountain, the spring thaw. The speed-rack shuffle, the hot shot."

"The name of the game is 'woman.' The little darlings come in here panting. Their little hearts are pitter-patting for the handsome all knowing bartender. And in their wake, a parade of slobbering geeks with one hand on their crotches and the other on their wallets. You get the women, you get the bucks. And boy, oh boy, you've got them. Buttons were popping, skirts were rising. When you see the color of their panties, then you know you've got talent. Stick with me son and I'll make you a star."

"Beer is for breakfast around here, drink or be gone."

"A bartender is the aristocrat of the working class."

"A man will always be judged on the amount of alcohol he can consume. And a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not."

"Coughlin's Diet: Cocktails and dreams."

"Never tell tails about a woman, she'll hear you no mater how far away she is."

"Never show surprise, never lose your cool."

"There are two kinds of people in this world, the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle."

"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got."

"Bury the dead, they stink up the joint."

...And as for the rest of Coughlin's Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of Sh*t.

Douglas Coughlin: Logical Negativist. Flourished in the last part of the 20th Century. Propounded a set of laws that the world generally ignored, to its detriment.


At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

one of the greatest, although little known, movie characters ever.

'Bartender is the aristocrat of the working class', great stuff


At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A guy like me looks in the mirror and either smiles or fades away, and I haven't seen anyting to smile about for a long time"

At 11:15 PM, Blogger DOMEMASTERS said...

How can you feel anything from an assembly line hump that does the book on the first date

i did you a favor and took her off your hands before she really twisted your mind

Cant take the Truth ey?

Where you come from they are still saluting the flag and

No Bralling in here that goes for the help as well!

You’ll thank me for his one day

At 4:29 AM, Anonymous Ritta said...

I laughed xD should try Coughlin's Diet probably xD


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