Barstool Sports

Monday, August 07, 2006

Surviving the river and the cousins

Saturday was a wild ride on the Saco River for UB and Tiny Tick (aka LT) as well as crazy cousins Panda and Crazy Cousin Dinj.

The boys got their start at Swan falls after parking the cars 3 miles away at a camp site near Canal Bridge. Things sure have changed over the years on the river...The atmosphere is now like Spring Break in Cancun...

Things UB and the boys saw on the river:

- Girl in bikini passed out in canoe with cooler placed over her head

- 3 dumbasses pulling their canoe up the side of a cliff to slide down into the river

- A fist fight at a camp site across the river between a guy who passed out in a tent and the random tent's owner

- People jumping out of trees

- Drunk girls with a tipped over canoe, chasing their stuff down river and too drunk to hold it all at once

- Girls racing to get their bikini tops off the fastest (10 sec., Dinj and Mr. Dinj)

- Other random Girl-on-girl action...


LT and the Crazy Cousin man the fronts of UB and Pan's boats in a previous trip above...It was the same thing this year...UB and LT came prepared for the trip with a 30 pack each (Miller High Life and Miller Lite) and a bottle of Wild turkey...Plenty of tobacco products were aboard for trip, including a fine Cuban cigar, smuggled over by Panda from his honeymoon the week before...Yep his 1st weekend home as a married man and he's on the river with the boys...

The next morning UB and LT tried to shake it off but to no avail. Amazingly they were able to survive all day Saturday into Sunday morning with out a rest room (well the river did look a little more yellow by the end of the day) as for number 2 they lucked out...Pan was not so lucky...2 unspeakable trips into the woods...Since UB's Escape was parked at the site LT and UB decided to pack it in as they had planned...I guess they were afraid of too much of a good thing, or maybe it was the 5 more hours on the river before getting a ride back to the car then a ride back to the canoe then a 4 hour drive home that prompted them to leave...Much to the anger of the cousins...UB and LT barely escaped with their lives (and realized half way out of Maine that they had mistakenly taken the only radio)...So far UB and LT haven't heard from the cousins...Hopefully they made it out okay...

"You got a real purdy mouth..."

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