Barstool Sports

Monday, June 12, 2006

Soccer Sucks

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today's World Cup contest between the USA and the Czech Republic.

"All right, lets get it started boys, we're trying to get the ball into that net over there!"

"Goooooaaaaallll!!! And Czech Republic takes the 1-0 lead!"

"Gooooaaaaallll!!!! And Czech Republic now leads 2-0!"

"Goooooaaaallll!!! Now it's 3-0 Czech Republic and the American coach calls timeout to rally his troops."

"Oh boy. I'm off to a great stop."

Intercom: "Ladies and Gentleman, Flight 5731 to the United States is departing from Gate 5A."

Wechselsprechanlage: "Damen und Herr, Flug 5731 in die Vereinigten Staaten reist vom Gatter 5A."


At 11:24 PM, Blogger PUCK THE FATS said...

Soccer sucks because
A.It's for grass ferries

B.It's a sport for third world countries who can't afford pads to play football or hockey

C.It was a sport invented by Euripean women so they could have something to watch their husbands do while they nitt.

D.All they ever do is kick eachother (shoot Roshambo's about eleventybillion times better then that)

E.I'd rather listen to Dr. Phil all day then watch a soccer game (except for that one were that girl took off her top after the US won lol.)

At 2:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A: a bit far-fetched since a lot of those male players are married to women. Some of those guys even have children! Additionally soccer is even played in countries where homosexuality is controversial (Russia) or illegal (Qatar).
B: many countries that play the game are first-world and second-world countries that can afford hockey and other sports. Some of those countries have some other sport as their national sports (e.g. Gaelic football in Ireland) and yet they have no problem playing soccer.
C: it was invented in England. At the time, it was played by soldiers, using the head of an enemy as the ball. And that the time, England was not 'third-world'.
D: how so?
E: well, that's not really a reason. If you want to listen to Dr. Phil, suit yourself.

As far as the original post is concerned, it reminds me of the 'fox and the grapes' fable where a fox tries in vain to catch grapes, only to give up and hate them.
If the US team wants to win in these matches, it has to take the sport seriously. I'm not a soccer fan, and I'm well aware of the problems with the sport (some of which CAN be changed).


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