Barstool Sports

Friday, May 12, 2006

The 10 Best and Worst Moms from TV and Movies

Of course your Uncle Buck would throw together a list of the best and worst mothers from Movies and TV for Mother's Day. But after UB is done he has to clean his room and take out the trash...

THE 10 BEST:

Clair Huxtable - The Cosby Show. She was a working lawyer with five kids, but she still had time do play fun games like "clear out Theo's room to teach him the value of money" or lip-synching to some old jazz album to make the grand parents happy.

Aurora Greenway – Terms of Endearment. Mom freaks out in the hospital to get her daughter some drugs to ease the pain before she dies. Who doesn't want their mom to help when they get sick.

Ellen Griswold – Vacation. She goes skinny dipping in the motel pool, allows her husband to video tape her doing a strip tease before the tape gets stolen in Europe and allows her husband to leave her dead Aunt on her cousin's door step so they can enjoy the rest of their vacation.

Marion Cunningham - Happy Days. Nurturing "Mrs. C" brings in Fonzie off the street and raises her son to become one of the richest directors in Hollywood.

Florence 'Rusty' Dennis – Mask. Extra points for living the saying "A face only a mother could love."

Carol Brady – The Brady Bunch. She thought it was tough raising 3 girls or her own, then she added four men living all together, who were all alone (Points off that she never cooked a meal).

TIE: Morticia Addams - The Addams Family and Lily Munster – The Munsters. While they both let their kids play with morbid stuff like guns and fire and monsters under the stairs, they make Goth Glam sexy.

Martha Kent – Superman. How she raised a kid who could do anything he wanted to be a boy scout who saves lives, UB will never know.

Marie Barone - Everybody Loves Raymond. She favors her first born, feuds with her daughter in law and rules two houses with an iron fist!

Kitty Forman - That '70s Show. TV's coolest mom turns the other way when her son and his friends light one up in the basement.

THE 10 WORST:

Joan Crawford – Mommie Dearest. She's abusive to her adopted daughter Christina Crawford to the point where she beats her with wire hangers. UB guesses it is better than being beaten with a toilet brush.

Bonnie Grape – What’s eating Gilbert Grape? It is one thing to be a big fat mother, but don’t hog the living room sofa.

Mother – Psycho. Mrs. Bates is awfully strict on her son Norman, but is a little more harsh on her hotel guests.

Lorraine Baines McFly – Back to the Future. Nearly destroys the space-time continuum because she falls for her son, who mistakenly went back in time.

Marge Simspon – The Simpsons. Although she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, she does allow her son to get away with murder, ignores her daughters glairing need for private schooling and doesn’t realize that her other daughter’s pacifier is gonna cause speech and teeth problems down the road. In the words of Jessica Rabbit she’s not bad she’s “just drawn that way.”

Lorelai Gilmore - Gilmore Girls. Although UB doesn’t watch this show, he doesn’t think many girls want their mom to act and dress sexier than their teenage daughters.

Elyse Keaton - Family Ties. While she may have been an ok mom for a former hippie, why would she buy her son all this Richard Nixon stuff then give him a hard time when he ends up being a hardcore Republican?

Valerie Hogan – Valarie. Mom leaves her family after a contract dispute. Writers kill her off, family shrugs it off and barely mentions her in three years of The Hogan Family.

Shirley Partridge - The Partridge Family. Living in a bus that looks like an acid flash back is no way to raise your children.

Livia Soprano – Sopranos. Puts a hit out on her son. Nuff said.

Honerable mention:

Roseanne – Roseanne.
Mrs. Johnson – The Breakfast Club.
Maria Portokalos - My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Bree Van de Kamp - Desperate Housewives.
Peggy Hill - King of the Hill.
Beverly R. Sutphin – Serial Mom.
Laura Petrie - The Dick Van Dyke Show
Florida Evans - Good Times.
Carla - Cheers

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