Barstool Sports

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

E-Rod: Sox erupt as Errors from the show-phony sink Yankoffs

Well last night's game in the Bronx was lost of fun for your Uncle Buck as the Red sox trounced the Yankoffs 14-3 in a game that was as ugly as New York's starting pitcher. The game began to resemble the typical Red Sox-Yankoff game where one team gets on top early and it remains low scoring until the end in which dramatics or misplays produce the finish. Instead, miscues by E-Rod (formally A-Fraud and Double Play-Rod) lead to a big inning for the Sox and a disturbing disintegration of Randy Johnson.

Normally playing in the giant bedpan known as Yankoff Stadium reminds UB of the Mexican standoff that ended The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, right up to the first pitch you can cut the tension with a knife, but when the Red Sox win UB thinks "what was I so worried about?"

Johnson, who was staked to a 2-0 lead after Josh Beckett gave up a 2 run homer to roid-head Jason Giambi, had only allowed one hit into the 3rd inning, when with two on and two out he faced Big Papi David Ortiz.

The morning edition of the New York Post suggested that RJ throw at Papi, hoping to intimidate Ortiz, who tends to have his best games against New York and at Yankoff Stadium. Instead RJ went after Papi and appeared to have forced him into a simple ground out to Double Play-Rod...

The error, by the renamed E-Rod, lead to a run. Then a RJ wild pitch scored a second and allowed Papi to move up to 2nd. Manny Ramirez, who also had a home run later in the game, singled Papi (below):

Papi slid safe into home, giving the Sox the 3-2 lead. Things were even worse for Johnson in the forth, when with one out he walked Dustan Mohr on his 79th pitch then let Alex Gonzalez fight back from 0-and-2 to single to center. Mark Loretta followed, working the count to 3-0, then getting the green light from Terry Fancona, singled to score two.

The 85-year-old pitcher was then yanked from the game, to the loud boos of Yankoff fans. Red Sox fans (above) were more appreciative of RJ's efforts...

From there it got worse for the Yankoffs as a swirling wind got a hold of a Manny fly ball that was dropped by Melky Cabrera. Melky ("Let's name the child Melky") was playing right for the injured Garry Sheffield who may be back in detox to due roid withdrawal.

From there the Sox put it in cruise control, as Beckett retired 12 strait following the 1st inning HR and the Sox bats tacked on 9 more runs for good measure, including a 3 run home run by Gonzo who was homerless in his previous 180 at bats.

While Yankoff fans are apparently growing more fond of Johnny Damon (above), Judas went 0 for 3, and is now 0 for 7 against the Sox in two games this year...

Hey Johnny, UB guesses your jumping ship to the Empire wasn't as "devastating" to Sox fans as you thought it would be...

UB loves reading the NY papers after the Sox beat the Yankoffs, here is what awaited him this morning:

Thankfully the Red Sox win left UB in a good mood...He was later crushed by seeing Britney Spears tree trunk arms on The Late nothing sacred?

Tonight it will be Curt Schilling's turn to use his spear and magic helmet to subdue the Yankoff lineup. His start will mark the 1st time UB knows of when 3 World Series MVPs will start in back to back games in the same series. Last night's matchup featured Beckett who was the MVP of the 2003 WS win over the Yankoffs by the Florida Marlins and Johnson and Schilling were co-MVPs in the 2001 WS win by the Arizona Diamondbacks over the Yankoffs. In total 6 WS MVPs are playing in the series (Mariano Rivera in 1999; Derek Jeter in 2000; Manny Ramirez in 2004).

"Smoke em if you got em..."


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