Barstool Sports

Monday, February 06, 2006

Super Bore: UB and crew sit thru an awful Super Bowl

So yesterday's Super Bowl was pretty bad. How bad was it? How about the Steelers were the loser in just about every statistical category and they still won the game. Ben Rothlesandwich had the lowest quarterback rating (22.6) in Super Bowl history, and the MVP had a whopping 5 catches.

Rothlesandwich's biggest play was a Hail Mary pass that somehow Ward came up with. And Big Ben's touchdown run didn't appear to make it, however, the camera was not directly on the line so who the hell knows.

Maybe Ben was too hungover from all that wild partying in the weeks before the game...

"That's ok Ben, besides I lied to you too...I'm only 13!"

Coaching was a joke, as Bill Cowher failed to get his team going early, which would have cost them the game against any other team, and Mike Holmgren's failure to manage the clock throughout the game may have been the Seahawks undoing.

The Seahawks may have had the stats but failure to execute all game long killed them. Like defensive back Kelly Herndon picking off Rothelsandwich and returning it 76 yards, before RUNNING OUT OF GAS! How does that happen? Then there is Tight End Jerramy Stevens, who was the talk of the week leading up to the Super Bowl because he said Jerome Bettis was going home without a ring, was a no show. He dropped just about everything thrown to him. His shouting match partner Joey Porter was also a no show, with 3 tackles.

And the biggest media darling in the past two weeks, Bettis, may have been the most pathetic. He had a typical 43 yards rushing but was stuffed on 2 rushes at about the 1 and had the gaul to grab the spotlight from MVP Hines Ward during the trophy presentation. UB would have thought that after being offered piss poor contracts by the Steelers, apparently the only team with any interest, over the last few years, and nearly blowing the AFC title game two weeks earlier that Bettis would have been a little more humble and perhaps allowed someone like Willie Parker (whose 75 yard TD run broke things open for Pittsburgh) to get some of the glory. Bettis' retirement announcement is a real shame for every team that will play the Steelers in 2006-07.

Conversely the Steelers fans showed again that they are some of the best in football and all of sports. After weeks of following the team around from stadium to stadium they showed their strength in Detroit with at least 90% of the crowd waving their towels. They had some fun booing their nemesis Tom Brady who flipped the coin (Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw were originally scheduled but demanded too much money. They also sat out the MVP ceremony) and stayed loud throughout most of the game.

Then there was the officials. They were Ab-so-lutely horrible! While UB didn't think the offensive pass interference in the endzone was such a bad call (the strait arm push off gave the Seattle receiver just enough room to make the catch), but their was a costly holding call and the low hit call against Hasselbeck really swung things in Pittsburgh's favor, who without the help from officials may not have won the game.

As far as the half time UB and his party guests thought it was the best of all time. No they didn't watch the Rolling Bones, they flipped over to Lingerie Bowl III.

The action was surprisingly vicious with clotheslines and hard hitting tackles by these kamikaze women with only shoulder pads and a helmet on.

While there was only one wardrobe malfunction, UB and the boys did enjoy some of the angles, including the hike cam. Oh, who won? UB doesn't remember...

But he does remember Jenny McCarthy trying to fire one of the camera men when the instant replay showed he missed a player's bra being ripped off...Jenny also made some crack about if she were a lesbian she would want to tackle the girls too...Intersting that she said that only days after porn star Jenna Jameson detailed a graphic bathroom stall session with McCarthy on the Howard Stern Show.

Oh yeah, and for some reason all most all of the 1985 Bears were in attendance, including William "Refrigerator" Perry who was in a cage, until he was brought in to block on a 1st and goal. No he was not in a thong. The Fridge (above in pink) is looking better these days...

Lastly UB really enjoyed Bill Belichick's analysis during the pre-game. Too bad it didn't include some time with Tom "This team hates their coach" Jackson.


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