Barstool Sports

Thursday, January 19, 2006

The 500 pound gorilla returns

1. What took so long? We all knew he was still hanging around the park. 2. Who is running the show now? 3. We still don't have a lead off hitter, a centerfielder or a shortstop. Oh, what is your Uncle Buck talking about the official return of monkey-man Theo Epstein. More news that is not news...

BOSTON (AP) Former Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein, who turned down a three-year, $4.5 million offer and walked away from his dream job on Halloween, will rejoin the organization, team officials announced in a statement Thursday.
The statement did not say in what capacity Epstein would rejoin the team, but his return had been rumored almost since the day he slipped out of Fenway park wearing a borrowed gorilla costume to avoid the media.
``As you know, we have spoken frequently during the last 10 weeks. We have engaged in healthy, spirited debates about what it will take over the long-term for the Red Sox to remain a great organization and, in fact, become a more effective organization in philosophy, approaches and ideals,'' the statement said.
``Ironically, Theo's departure has brought us closer together in many respects, and, thanks to these conversations, we now enjoy the bonds of a shared vision for the organizations future that did not exist on October 31. With this vision in place, Theo will return to the Red Sox in a full-time baseball operations capacity, details of which will be announced next week.''
The statement came from principal owner John Henry, chairman Tom Werner, president Larry Lucchino and Epstein.

Hazel Mae: Larry, if I may...WTF?

Moe, Shemp and Larry...

...and Curly Joe...that's right UB didn't label any of them Curly because none of the bastards make UB laugh.

So did Theo set up today's signing of the rock star Bronson Arroyo? The 28-year-old right-hander took a "hometown discount" from the Sox on agreeing to an $11.25 million, three-year contract. Arroyo said he took the deal against the advice of his agents because he liked playing in Boston.

"So we're bringing him back to Boston? Wasn't he just there? You mean we've been driving him around all this time to end up back at Fenway?"

"Maybe he can lead off and play centerfield?"


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