Barstool Sports

Friday, November 10, 2006

Veterans Day: Best of the Fictional Vets (2006 Edition)

Happy Veterans Day (yes Veterans not Veteran's or Veterans' Day) to all those serving or who have served this country. To honor you, here is your Uncle Buck's favorite fictional veterans (General Patton above does not count since he was a real guy). God Bless America...HERE US UB'S UPDATED EDITION FOR 2006:

The Top Guns: Maverick, Goose and the rest of the Naval elite

Iceman: Ok, ok, we'll take turns being wingman.

Forest Gump: Still has not received a dollar from that Million Dollar Wound

Band of Brothers: The World War II vets march through Europe

Major T.J. "King" Kong: Takes a wild ride into Russia

Col. Mike Kirby: Out of all of the military characters played by John Wayne, the Green Beret is the best

Kirby: Out here, due process is a bullet.

M*A*S*H: Korea's Manic Medics

The A-Team: TV's AWOL Vets bring the battle home

Quint: Jaws hunter delivered the bomb aboard the U.S.S. Indianapolis

Quint: Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us...he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened...waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

Frank Castle AKA The Punisher: Marvel’s vigilante vet

Col. Troutman: The only man who can calm Rambo down

Col. Nathan R. Jessep: Gets results even if he has to resort to a Code Red or two

Col. Jessep: You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some f*cking courtesy.

Capt. Wild Bill Kelso: Belushi's Bluto of the skies

Lt. Jordan O'Neil: GI Jane hangs tough with the Navy SEALS
Harry Bailey: Saved a transport full of soldiers and got the Medal of Honor (of course he never would have if big brother George hadn't saved him as a child)

2005 Edition:

Sgt. Slaughter: Pro Wrestling's Drill Sergeant

Beetle Bailey: Sunday Morning Soldier

Capt. Benjamin J. Willard: (Apocalypse Now) "Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I never wanted another."

Captain America: Marvel's Military Superhero

Private Gomer Pyle: TV's Marine Mess-up

Col. Robert E. Hogan: Made Nazi Prison Camps Funny

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: (Full Metal Jacket) "You will not laugh, you will not cry!"

Hartman: A jelly donut!!

Sgt. Michael Vronsky: (The Deer Hunter) Don't ask him to play Russian roulette

Vronsky: A deer has to be taken with one shot. I try to tell people that but they don't listen.

Private Benjamin: The Flighty Female in Fatigues

Benjamin: And I mean look at this place. The army couldn't afford drapes? I'll be up at the crack of dawn here!"

John J. Rambo: (First Blood/Rambo: First Blood Part II) Stallone's veteran pushed too far

Rambo: I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilled his guts and gave everything he had, wants! For our country to love us as much as we love it! That's what I want!

Sgt. Rock: Fighting for America in the DC Universe

Private John Winger: (Stripes) "We're soldiers; but we're American soldiers. We've been kickin' ass for 200 years. We're 10 and 1."

Winger: We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts.

G.I. Joe: Because knowing is half the battle

The Real Heroes:


At 9:31 PM, Blogger Coach Scott said...


Top Gun was Navy not USAF.

At 8:01 PM, Blogger Uncle Buck said...

oh crap, thats right thx

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Joe Pittman said...

Appreciate your bllog post


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