Del: I know you don't I? I'm usually very good with names but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours. Neal: You stole my cab. Del: I never stole anything in my life. Neal: I hailed a cab on park avenue this afternoon and before I could get in it. You stole it.
Del: You're the guy who tried to get my cab. I knew I knew you! You scared the bejesus out of me. Come to think of it it was easy to get a cab during rush hour. Neal: Forget it. Del: I can't forget it. I am sorry. I had no idea it was your cab. Let me make it up to you. How about a nice hot dog and a beer. Neal: No thanks. Del: Just a hot dog then. Neal: I'm very picky about what I eat. Del: Some coffee? Milk? Soda? Tea? Life Savers? Slurpee? Neal: Sir, please. Del: Just let me know. I'm here. I knew I knew you!
Neal: Eh, look, I don't want to be rude, but I'm not much of a conversationalist, and I really want to finish this article, a friend of mine wrote it, so... Del: Don't let me stand in your way, please don't let me stand in your way. The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabbermouth... You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead that doesn't know when to keep his big trap shut... If you catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chops...
Del (while taking off his shoes): Woah...heh heh, my dogs were barking today!
Del: Sixbucks and my right nut says were not landing in Chicago. (They land in Wichita, Kansas)
Neal: What's the flight situation? Del: Simple. There's no way on earth we're going to get out of here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak. Neal: I guess we'll find out soon enough. Del: Yeah, but by the time the airline cancels this flight, which they will sooner or later, you'd have more of a chance to find a three-legged ballerina than you would a hotel room. Neal: Are you saying I could be *stuck* in Wichita? Del: I'm saying you *are* stuck in Wichita.
Del sets up a hotel and a cab ride in Wichita...They arrive at the Braidwood Inn...where they meet the owner...Gus...Gus
: Del Griffith! How the hell are ya? Del
: Well, I'm still a million bucks shy of bein' a millionaire. [Both laugh] Del
: Gus, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Neal Page from Chicago. Neal, this is Gus Mooney. Neal
: Hi. Gus
: Glad to meet you, Nick.
Neal: You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener! Del: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me.
My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.