Barstool Sports

Friday, December 09, 2005

WWE Raw presents: Christmas Eggnog Match

Gorilla: Welcome back to Monday Night Raw!!! I'm your host Gorilla Monsoon, and with me as always, you can hear the fans chanting "Weasel, weasel", Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Hey Brain, they recognized you.

Brain: The only thing these fans recognize is a buffet.

Gorilla: Will you stop!

Brain: You don't have to yell at me! I'm not blind.

Gorilla: Give me a break. Well folks as you remember last week on Raw there was quite a confrontation between Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson over Stacy's selection as WWE "Babe of the Year", so now they've decided to take out their aggressions in this specially sanctioned "Christmas Eggnog Match."

Brain: ...And here comes Stacy!!!

Gorilla: This should be quite a contest for the fans here in Detroit.

Bobby: Right here in Jim Louis Arena.

Gorilla: Joe Louis!

Bobby: Joe Louis, sorry.

Gorilla: Who's Jim Louis?

Bobby: Who's Joe Louis?

Gorilla: Stacy's checking out that eggnog.

Brain: Mmmm finger licking good...

Gorilla: And here comes Torrie and it looks, Brain, like she's got a candy cane.

Brain: Wow I've got a candy cane watching her.

Brain: You see that Monsoon she can't take her eyes off me!

Gorilla: Give me a break! Woah and the bell has sounded and this one is underway.

Brain: You know this is like the Super Bowl of eggnog matches Monsoon. Tell ya what let's make a wager in the Super Bowl for fifty bucks. I'll take the Patriots and you take the Eagles.

Gorilla: The Super Bowl was eleven months ago.

Brain: Who won?

Gorilla: The Patriots.

Brain: You owe me fifty bucks.

Gorilla: Oh my and now Stacy throws Torrie's hat, this one is getting ugly.

Gorilla: That was an illegal move by Stacy!

Brain: No it wasn't.

Gorilla: Yes it was!

Brain: No, it was a legal move, it was a Greco-Roman Hair Pull.

Gorilla: And Torrie goes flying into the eggnog, and WOAH she almost loses her Santa suit Brain!

Brain: That's it! Stacy is the winner!

Gorilla: I don't think so Brain, I'm not sure how the referee is going to decide this one.

Gorilla: Well Torrie hasn't heard a bell so it looks like she's still looking for a fight.

Brian: I think Stacy's got a point, this match should be over.

Gorilla: Why don't you go down there and referee?

Brain: I'm needed here.

Gorilla: And now Torrie is going after Stacy, this one's not over by a long shot Brain!

Brain: Well I guess it is going to be a Merry Christmas after all!

Brain: She better not swallow too much of that Monsoon, not only will Stacy lose the match, she'll have to take a cab home.

Brain: You know Monsoon this reminds me of something. Tomorrow, I'm having a bunch of guests over to my home in Beverly Hills, turkey for everyone, only 8 bucks a head at the door.

Gorilla: Give me a break Brain. The referee is having a hard time keeping order in this one.

Gorilla: Well the ref has called for the bell in this one. Looks like we won't have a winner tonight.

Brain: Are you kidding, everyone watching this was a winner.

Gorilla: Well, in any event Brain these two will have to settle their score another time. But it is a happening here in Detroit, up next we'll show you taped highlights of Tito Santana squaring off against Koko B. Ware in amazing match they had in Texas. A fight that took place very near where a big fight occurred many years ago.

Brain: You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo?

Gorilla : Why?

Brain: They only had one car.

Gorilla: Give me break.

Brain: Do you know what Koko B. Ware's mom's name is?

Gorilla: I'm almost afraid to ask.

Brain: Tupper.

Gorilla: Will you stop?


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