Barstool Sports

Friday, September 15, 2006

Maxim Magazine sucks...sort of

Your Uncle Buck has subscribed to Maxim Magazine for years, enjoying the layouts, comedy and other random crap that have made it a permanent fixture on the back of his toilet. However, the PG-13 rated American version of the magazine is just not what it used to be and continues to go down hill. A perfect example of what UB is talking about came this past week when he received the October edition that featured Vanessa Minnillo on the cover:

Now UB can hear you saying, "What's wrong with that?" Well actually, there's nothing wrong with having the gorgeous actress and host in the pages in between...Except for the fact that it is her 2nd appearance in the last 12 issues:

Minnillo was chosen a year ago for the October 2005 cover as a relative unknown in a school girl outfit. Have the editors run out of girls they feel are worthy of a cover or are they just getting lazy? Anyway, here are 5 more problems UB has with the magazine:

1. The Size

Back in the early days of Maxim this thing was like the Sears Christmas catalog. Now it's closer to the thickness of Sports Illustrated.

2. Special Editions

You go to the news stand or you're in line at the Airport book shop and you notice that they have a Maxim in a plastic baggy...Why the baggy? Because they have packaged an extra one of those "List" mags in there. "Hot 100" or "Hometown Hotties" or whatever. Where are these extra pages for the subscribers? They aren't there...Either that or the mailman's been taking them.

3. Jessica Simpson

UB doesn't have any problems with Jessica Simpson, but every time she's in Maxim they screw it up. The best photo spread of the 3 was the 1st:


Ok, not bad...But the 2nd appearance was not better, in fact she was more covered up in some shirt thing. Then most recently she was featured with a red hair-doo (see 3rd cover above)...The problem there was that the cover shot was the best one...From there readers were stuck with shots like this:

A full piece bathing suit? Come on...Again, is it laziness? Check out a shot of Jessica's layout from GQ:

4. Cover Highlights

Every magazine has little blurbs on the cover giving you an idea of some of the exciting articles inside...Check out this one from Maxim a few months back (above): FILTHY STINKING RICH: Cash So Fast It's Like Stealing! UB sees this and of course flips right to the article to because he loves "Get rich quick schemes"...And what does UB find? How about this:

Richard Seymour, the Patriots Pro Bowl line man and 3 time Super Bowl champion. In the article Seymour talks about the steps he took to become a Pro Bowler and get a big fat contract from the Pats. No where in the article does it describe how you can make money so fast it's like stealing...However, UB bets that being 6'6'' 310 helps.

5. The US Edition Sucks

In the US we get this (left) while the rest of the world gets this:






The international editions of Maxim often have the same cover girls as the US, but many times those layouts include nudity. Nudity is actually the biggest difference between the US and every other version. Other countries must see the US Maxim and think it's a kids magazine, and laughed that many stores carry it behind the counter like its porn.

So there you have it, UB's complaints about Maxim...If they don't get their act together soon, UB's switching back to Club Confidential...

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