Barstool Sports

Monday, August 15, 2005

Eye of the Tigers

The Sox begin a 3 game series with the Detroit Tigers Monday night, prompting UB to recall one of the great movie sagas of all time: Rocky...Now having people rank the Rocky films can be as bad as pushing politics, but here is the real worst to best rankings of the five films...

5. Rocky V: Horrible, horrible, horrible...Rocky returns from Russia and his kid has aged 7 years, isn't that enough of a reason...

"My ring's outside!"

4. Rocky II: The most feminine of the series, Rocky has a kid and spends half the movie trying to get a job, before his wife "allows" him to fight...a whipped Rocky is a sad Rocky...

Adrian: There's one thing I want you to do for me. Rocky: What's that? Adrian: Win...Win!

3. Rocky IV: A favorite for most, but despite the great workout scenes and Dolph Lundgren's over the top portrayal of Ivan Drago, the whole Paulie's birthday robot thing and no Micky drop it to number 3. Not to mention: ''I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change.'' The best bad movie in the history of cinema...

"I must break you"

"The Russian's cut!"

2. Rocky: The best "movie" of the bunch. Part of AFI's 100 greatest movies list and only one to win an Academy Award. This one can be taken as its own movie. Rocky is a middle aged bum, who smokes and drinks and lives in filth. Adrian is homely and shy and has no education, while Paulie, well actually Paulie is always a fat drunk in the series...But the scenes between Micky, who missed his shot at greatness, and Rocky, who only takes a shot out of desperation, are classic. The fact that Stallone based the film on a fight between a bum club fighter and Muhammad Ali (Chuck Wepner did knock Ali down in that fight too, although review showed he stepped on Ali's foot when he hit him). The character of Gazzo, played by The Godfather's Joe Spinell, and his bodyguard who has some great interactions with Rocky, "Take her to the zoo, I hear retards like the zoo!" Its the only one in the series where Philadelphia is its own character...And the classic ending where Rocky goes the distance...

Reporter: Where did you get the name, "The Italian Stallion"? Rocky: Oh I made that up one night while I was eating dinner.

''You stop this fight, I'll kill ya'!''

1. Rocky III: The best in the series. The combination of unintentional comedy (Rocky training with Apollo and Paulie in LA) and the great fight at the end. Mr. T makes the movie as Clubber Lang the Chicago brawler who whips Rocky in 2 rounds while Micky is dying, then takes a beating in 3 rounds after some of the best prefight comments ever: Interviewer: What's your prediction for the fight? Clubber Lang: My prediction? Interviewer: Yes, your prediction. [Clubber looks into camera] Clubber Lang: Pain!

Clubber: Bust you up! Rocky: Go for it!

"Gonna fly now!"

"There is no tomorrow!!"

Eye of the tiger!


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