Barstool Sports

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Yanking your hair out

Your Uncle Buck was in no mood to write up an anti-Yankoff, anti-MLB post after having to watch last night's Tigers-Yankoffs game. Thankfully Teabag, the only Tigers fan from Boston, did it for Ubsey. Here is his take on the problems with the Yankoffs, MLB and their place in America: (Now keep in mind the last time Teabag saw the Tiggers in the tournament he was 11-years-old)

Teabag: I decided last night that I hate America. You know how when liberals criticize the President, stupid talk show hosts like Bill O’Reilly always say, “oh, those liberals just hate America.” Well, I really do. I at least hate the American people. You know how badly Major League Baseball wants the Yankees to make it to the World Series? The reason is that way, way more people will watch if they’re in it. If you’re American and you don’t already have a team that you cheer for, then you automatically become a Yankees fan. Because they’re the winners. That is pathetic.

The Yankees have a $200 million payroll -- WAY more than twice that of any other American League playoff team. How could anyone cheer for them? That’s like cheering for a man to beat up a kid. Watching those Yankees fans cheer for their team made me so mad I couldn’t think straight. Why cheer? They are obviously going to win, what are you cheering for? With that payroll, your expectation should be that they win so there’s nothing to celebrate. It’s like cheering for me because I took a shower this morning. Well, I should take a shower in the morning so don’t cheer for me.
Finally, the fact is that they don’t win it every year, which is another reason why nobody should cheer for the Yankees. Based on the huge advantage they start with each year and their actual success I can’t even imagine how bad they’d be if teams had similar payrolls like in the NFL. Actually, I’ll bet we could figure out some algorithm that would tell us what teams records would be based on their past success if all teams had equal payrolls. And I’ll bet you that the Yankees would finish last every year. And Joe Torre would’ve been fired ten years ago.

UB: Not much that your Uncle Buck can add to that, but there were two things that he noticed about the game last night:
1. At one point Joe Buck commented that Jason Giambi's name was "dragged through the mud" by the whole steroid scandal. Actually Joe, it wasn't. He was GUILTY OF USING PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS!!! The incredible bulk did it to himself. He F-ing cheated and got caught, he wasn't accused and discrased and later found innocent, that would be dragging his name through the mud.
2. Tim McCarver makes Ubsey's ears bleed.


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