Barstool Sports

Monday, August 14, 2006

UB ready for some football

It may only be preseason football but UB is thrilled to see the Patriots and the rest of the league dust off the uniforms. Doesn't it seem, however, there have been an awful lot of changes since the end of last year. Just some little things...John Madden and Al Michaels on NBC for Sunday Night Football, still seems too much like watching a live edition of MADDEN 07 on PS2...The Saints having a good team with the editions of Reggie Bush and Drew Brees...The new referee uniforms...All the national coverage of these preseason games...Its awesomely outragious!

The Pats had their first of 4 preseason games Friday night in Atlanta. It was an average performance for the most part. Tom Brady was 3 for 4 in his only series, while a dropped pass of a sure touchdown by Reche Caldwell had UB wondering when Deon Branch will be back...

Rookie RB Laurence Maroney was impressive with 66 yards on only 9 carries. He may want to think about cutting the hair back. UB caught at least 2 clips where defenders were yanking the dreads. It's one thing for a D-back to have the long hair but when you're a RB it becomes yet another thing for defenders to grab on to...Maybe he can just oil himelf up with Soul-Glo or how about putting a pull-away wig back there...Imagine one of these guys trys to pull the old roots out during a tackle and the hair falls out...

Easily the most anticipated moment of Friday's game the rest of the pre-season is the battle between has-been Martin Gramatica and rookie Stephen Gostkowski for the vacent place kicker gig. Gramatica hit a 30-yarder and a 26-yarder while Gostkowski hit a 34-yarder. Both nailed extra points (Gramatica twice) and neither missed a kick.

Matt Cassel was under the watchful eye as the expected #2 QB, but honestly how much can you tell from a guy in a pre-season game throwing to a bunch of no-names that won't make the club any how. There is actually more interst in Tom Brady's love life:

Barstool Sports is quoting Sports By Brooks that porn legend Jenna Jameson "hooked up with a supposedly squeaky clean Super Bowl-winning quarterback"...

Could this mystery QB be Green Bay geriatric Brett Favre? Well, no. First off Brett never won a Super Bowl MVP, unlike Brady who has 2, and secondly no one seems to want too much to do with Brett now-a-days...Just ask Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z Paul Zimmerman. Dr. Z pointed out last week that if Favre throws another 29 interceptions this year he may fall off Zimm's ballot for the Hall of Fame, at least in Favre's 1st attempt. Now Dr. Z is getting harassed by idiot Packer fans who can't see that Favre is killing their chances at an NFC North title. Does anyone really buy Favre's comment earlier in training camp that this was the most tallented Packers team he's ever been on? Brett's apparently taken one too many free-bee sacks from Michael Strahan. This guy has turned into a complete phony and unlike Brady, can't be counted on by his team or really his fans.

Example: Last season and during the NFL vacation, Favre left the Packers in limbo while quickly calling one of his recievers selfish for sitting out for a new contract. Brady, on the other hand, defended his reciever's (Branch) hold out saying he was the key to the offense. As far as UB is concerned he hopes Brett stays in the NFL until he's in his 80s and they are wheeling him out there just to keep his little streak alive. Until that day UB can sit back and enjoy his weekenly 4 INT, 6 sack, 2 fumble performances while the Packers go no where...

Speaking of going no where, that's were the Skins could be headed if Clinton Portis misses an extended period of time (UB can hear the Thighmaster crying from up here):

Well, UB will be tuning into ESPN tonight to check out the revitalized edition of Monday Night Football, maybe they'll bring back the fun that was missing from MNF, but was so clear on the Sunday Night Football broadcast:

"I wanna kiss you..."


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